My husband doesnt look me in the eye when we have sex?

Question

Me and my husband have been together for 3 years. i got pregnant and ever since he doesn't look at me the same. I was tiny before i got pregnant. Not to sound coincided but i had a pretty nice body before i had my daughter. Now he watches porn and closes his eyes during sex. i told him that it bothered me but he still does it. I feel like he just uses me and thinks about the women in the porn he watches.Sometimes I just sleep with him so he wont cheat. How do i deal with this. Does this mean he doesn't love me anymore. I feel used and embarrassed after sex, should i leave him?
please no negative comments. i just need some advice and support on this. I have even tried to spice it up with a blind fold, He loved it, I did it for him. But now i feel upset after wards. like he wants to think about someone but me.please tell me how to deal with this issue. Its driving me crazy

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

I have to agree alot with curious george, u have to look at the big picture and how he treats u overall and did he watch porn before your pregnancy. One thing I know and thats how a man thinks because I now have been married for 25 yrs and my husband was open enough to tell me exactly how a mans thinks. First, men are visual and believe it or not, they love to know that their woman enjoys the sex with them. They have got to know that she craves them and much as he craves her. Why do u think that the female in ALL porn flicks is going crazy with the man, it feeds his ego. LOL And they are verbal and wants u to be verbal also, so u need to tell him at times how it feels along with the moans and groans, etc. Again, big in porn flix. Get it now.

And the weight gain definately will play alot into this. How do u dress now that u have had a child? Have u let yourself go even though u have gained weight? I went thru that myself, well I never had any children but I did have weight gain and all I heard was the horrible comments about my weight. Once I dropped it, I began to care about my appearance more and I couldnt even wear jeans without him having his hands all over me. That was after 20yrs of marriage, so the attraction will still be there. One time while in bathing suit, sitting by my pool, my husband came out and took a picture of me and got sexually excited, this was 3 yrs ago. LOL.

I know that motherhood takes alot out of a woman, we have enough on our plate as it is and now have to devote majority of our time to children and pushing husband last. Thats a definate no no. I suggest you start taking a little time to yourself, take more effort to your appearance, do something to drop the weight, (I know u hate to hear that but remember, men are visual), and catch him by surprise, if u know what I mean. And while making love, try being a little more aggressive. This may work or it may not, u will never know unless u try. But its up to you to make the change.

Do not leave him because of this. Make every effort to make this marriage work but dont just lay there like a lump on a log. Also about the porn, honey, i cant say much there because majority of men will watch porn and then turn to the wife. Dont feel used, he still loves u Im sure. You need to start enjoying the sex and dont worry about him. In the heat of the moment, grasp his face and TELL HIM TO LOOK AT YOU. He will. LOL

Soooooooooo, all I can say is what I was told by my sister-in-law when I got married:

A perfect wife is a hostess in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.

Oh and BTW, I am 54 and my husband is 73. Up to two yrs ago, we had an active sex life and he never once used male enhancements. Of course, this has stopped now due to an operation he had but again I am trying to tell u that it is up to the female to keep him desiring her and her alone.

Answer 2

He's having sex with the porn and not you. I'm sorry all your self-esteem lies in the way your body looks. Maybe you should focus on getting yourself together. You are a mom now, not just a hot wife so he's going to look at you differently. The things they don't tell you about marriage and pregnancy, huh?

Answer 3

You poor thing. The horrible thing about men is that most of them don't care how you feel. If your not enjoying the sex because of this, then stop putting out. Its not your duty. Having sex rwith him wont prevent him from cheating. If he is closing his eye and pretending your women in porn he is cheating already

Answer 4

Well if this occurred after the child then something is up with him. Has any other aspects of your marriage changed? If you can't get a straight answer out of him and counseling isn't a possibility then you have to determine if this is worth ending your marriage over.

Answer 5

and other than sex he's a decent guy?
or is he terrible at everything else too?

Answer 6

This is complicate but here goes.
I think you have to look past the sex to really know what is really going on. You have to look at the big picture. Does he still treat you the same as before outside of the bedroom? Does he say hurtful things to you about how you look or about your body? Does he say nice things about how you look and about your body? Does he still tell you he loves you? Does he call you in the middle of the day asking how things are going for you, how the baby is? You have to ask yourself all of these things. Spicing it up is a great idea. If it were me I would just ask him why he does not look at you when you are having sex anymore. And when you say he does not look do you mean like he does not look into your eyes or just like look at your body and certain parts when having sex? Fantasizing is a normal part of sex as people get older. There is nothing wrong with watching porn when having sex either. Here is one trick I will share with you (if you have never done this before). Tell him to look into your eyes the next time you are MAKING LOVE. When you climax, use your eyes and voice to let him know, but more importantly, when he climaxes, and cannot say this any other way but to say it, and you feel him ejaculating into you, show him with your eyes. Each shot you feel, make your eyes go bigger or whatever you feel comfortable doing. I am telling you, that makes a guy go crazy. Damn, that was more info than I wanted to share. I hope it works out for you.

Answer 7

CONCEITED

I went through the feelings you are describing after I had my daughter too. It's practically impossible to feel attractive when your body changes.

Things didn't change until I did. You've got to stop worrying so much about it. If your husband didn't like your body, he wouldn't get it up for you in the first place.

It sounds to me like you're in your head too much.

As for "spicing it up", I don't think that's what you did. You tried to put a band-aid on the situation and ended up reinforcing your insecurities, that's why you felt horrible afterwards. Try something else , try EVERYTHING else!

Also, you're at the 3 year mark, when the hormones naturally start to subside anyway. He doesn't have that "New Car Smell" anymore and it's when you would be having a lot of these feelings anyway. You have to work at keeping things exciting from now on.

Do the kind of exciting, exploratory things that you did when you started having sex together. Reacquaint yourself with you every inch of his skin tastes. Explore his body with your fingers, with YOUR eyes closed. Be willing to go the extra mile to please HIM.

Understand that's he's going through that hormonal lull too, it's not that he's not attracted to you. Take some initiative and show him and tell him again what feels good to you. I promise he'll respond to it in a good way.

Also, don't have sex just to keep him from cheating. You should be striving to CONNECT with him during sex because that's what will keep your love (and sex life) strong for years to come!


One more thing, I've never cared about my husband watching or masturbating to porn and have never taken it personally. Do you honestly not masturbate yourself? If you do, understand that men are visual so they need to be looking at vagina in order to do it. If not, you should. Even if my husband and I are having sex every day, I still find moments, like in the shower, to masturbate because, unlike men, we are actually BETTER, and tighter ; ) , the more often we do it.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Porn is fornication in a marriage. Its a sin. You take the porn and place it in the trash. I am not defending his actions about porn cause porn is an addiction. My ex husband would watch it so much and had his eyes closed. I could defend him by saying he could be watching porn as a helping tool to improve on his sexual skills or techniques. The best way to find out if your husband wants another woman is to talk sexual to him. Talk about 3some, swingers clubs or orgies. It don't work for most couples but once you mention a sexual desire most men light up like a bulb. You would know if he's having sex with another woman is when he begins to shower by himself or gets dressed in the bathroom away from you. This happen to my ex husband when we saw each other last year and he seemed different. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

If you feel insucure try working out even if its just for 30 min I know its hard being a mom and all but try try to make things that make you sexy plan a romantic night with you and him dress attractive to show him your beautiful he needs to understand you had a child if it doesn't work you should try going together for conseling tell him you want someone to help you out cause you don't want your marrige to end because of this I really wish you the best and don't give up show him you can be sexy and beautiflu like thoose girls in porn he loves to watch goodluck

Answer 10

people get bored with sex, it's natural.
i keep my eyes closed 90% of the time just because i dont want to focus on anything, i just want to enjoy it.
i get how youre feeling, ive felt the same way

last time my bf and i had sex, he tried to open my eyes--- cause days before we talked about us admitting to eachother about thinking of other people whil having sex with our exs.

the fact tha the did that pissed me off. even if i was imagining someone else it wasnt any of his business. now i see him as insecure.

i say, get over it. and think of other people.

work on your self esteem.