When is enough, enough?

Question

I have always been the type that when making a major decision I have had to ask "Mommy" to see what she says, and usually I'll do what she says. I know its time to start making decisions on my own, I'm 26 years old for goodness sakes. But heres my problem: I've been with my boyfriend now for a little over 2 years. He has a child, and she lives with us. He has a drinking problem and we deal with it but he also doesn't know how to speak to me without screaming and or raising his voice. Our relationship is just crumbling away and I don't know if its worth the fight. I love this man so much, and I know I can be kind of a "b-word" sometimes but I really honestly try not to be. I just recently quit smoking [1 month this fri.], I work full time, come home and take care of an 11 year old who is disrespectful to me and her father lets her... I do all in my power to hold this family together but feel like I get nothing in return. I need your advice... don't beat around the bush please, just be straight.

I love him, but I can't take him being so hateful. This morning he says "All women are the same, thats why I stayed single, I can't f**king stand you, I really want to just move out and you can have everything." All because I changed my mind at the last minute in the drive thru because I was thirsty. So he threw the money in my face and then said that.

Additional Details

Thank you so much for all your answers, these are the best answers I have ever gotten and you are all right :) I appreciate the time you took :)

Have a blessed day!

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Well he's being abusive. Verbally in this case.

Personally I've always kept myself to a certain line. If I get to the point of asking if it's worth me staying, then it's not. If I have to weigh the options and I'm seriously having a hard time choosing, then it's time to move on.

Answer 2

Im sorry that your life is this stressful. Have you tried Al-anon? I can't tell you to stay in the relationship or not..but as it stands it is very dysfunctional. You need some help and I think Al anon can help you.

Answer 3

If you complain about not getting anything back (which is obviously true, btw) it's not unconditional love. So go ahead and leave him, you deserve a better man!

Answer 4

if you have to ask, i would say that enough is enough.

Answer 5

I think you've answered your own question about when enough is enough. If you're honest you know the answer to this question don't you? I think maybe you need some reassurance that it would be the right thing to do. I have been in a similar situation in the past and even when I've known that I can't take it anymore I sty in the hope that one day things will be different or that he will change and so on.

The difficulty with him is that he has problems at the moment - the problem with alcohol - which means you can't really judge if he is simply an unpleasant person or if he is just sinking under his alcoholism issues. Do you know why he started drinking? Usually drink problems signify something deeper going on - something that links back to his past.

BUT this is not your problem, and as an adult, he should and does know better than to take out his issues on you. You don't deserve to be his emotional punchbag. You don't under any circumstances have to put up with this sort of behaviour from anyone, ever. You are worth more. What would you say to a friend who was in the same position?

If you really love him the best thing you can do is talk to him, get him enrolled on an alcoholism program and counselling - but don't be with him while he is still emotionally damaging you. Support him and be there for him, but tell him that you are looking after you and will give things another try when he has learnt other ways to deal with his emotions.

Good luck x

Answer 6

Love is such a strong word and when you say it you have to be ready for whatever it may bring but know that it's sometimes not enough to have a successful relationship. He has issues to settle to himself, he has forgotten how to trust his heart to someone. There are a lot of things to consider. His family, his previous relationships, his situation right now. From how I see it, hatred and distrust has covered him and all he knows when he isn't happy is he's angry. He doesn't know how to be sad, or to hurt, or to feel lonely because he has learned to use anger as a permanent defense mechanism. His daughter is going the same path because she's brought up that way so she may not know other feelings, too.

Being a mother is really very hard to start with. You have to be prepared for it in every aspect of your life. This is true to your own child, so how much more if you're dealing with a child not your own? She needs a lot of guidance to strengthen her moralle. When she sees love, she does love, she gives love. But this doesn't have to be your burden if you don't wnat it.

You're still very young and you have a long way to go. Think and think again. Are you ready to commit to a relationship as complicated as this and give love and only love? Because in a relationship like this you will have to concede and humble down most of the time until you have taught both of them the true meaning of love.

You don't have to go through this. It's not too late. Leave him a letter or talk with him when you are both calm. If you need time away to think about this take it. If you cannot save them, you have to save yourself. You can start a family of your own to give your love to, with a man who deserves it.

It's hard to be alone, but it only hurts in the beginning but you're gonna be smarter and stronger when you're through.

Answer 7

Wow! First off congrats on quiting smoking. I think you know the answer to your own question. A person can't turn love on a off, like a bedroom light. No question you love this person but love is a two way street. Your boyfriend has bigger issues beyond the relationship. He is not going to be better tomorrow or the next day and may even get worse. Our economy is making it hard on couples starting out. Hard times should bring you closer not living beneath someone. This is only my advise. Do what you know what's best. Good luck.

Answer 8

Sometimes it takes some separation for someone to realize something important about someone they should love. If he's really that terrible and hasn't made an effort to change his attitude, then I think you should leave him. It also doesn't seem like he's putting forth an effort to keep your relationship together. Of course, there is always more than one side to a story and it takes more than one person to communicate effectively. You should really think about why you're with him.

Answer 9

break up,
and don't be sad
for your surprise he might even come after you.
or maybe kill you.(if he's an alcoholics)
show him that you're not the only one who doesn't want to do work.
then he'll find out how much work you've done all along.
(take your kid with you. . . )
never a good idea to let a kid with a parent that doesn't care about what the kid does.
I have a friend and her mom left her end her dad.
her dad doesn't care what she does and now she steals money from my house!!!
that's just nuts.
she stole 200 RMB

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