Would you give me your opinions?

Question

Hi, I wrote this a while ago and don't know if I should continue it, this is not chapter one, it is a later chapter, thanks to those who take the time x


I wake up at five am, and I don’t start work until eight am, but I just can't sleep; I’m too excited. I look out my window and see woman jogging around Central Park. Mmm maybe I could go out and do some jogging, clear my mind before work. Yes that’s what I’ll do. Oh god, I instantly get this vision of me getting up at five am and going jogging, and I will be one of those women who says “yes , well I’ve been up from five am, done a bit of light running , came home had a smoothie and back out to work before eight am “ . Yes that will be my new thing - I will be a morning jogger.

Ten minutes later I decide it’s not a good idea to start jogging this morning for two very good reasons. Number one being - I don’t have they nice looking Lycra legging things or a pair of decent running shoes ,( which I have put a note on my fridge door to remind me to buy - because I really need to get them if I want to start jogging every morning ) . Number two being I thought I could make better use of the spare time like getting my hair and makeup perfect.

So finally seven thirty comes and I head out the door for work. I’m so excited; my office is based on Fifth Avenue. Imagine me working on Fifth Avenue. You know I remember reading somewhere it was known as the richest street in the world. Come to think of about it, I don’t think I read it somewhere, I think Sarah-Jessica Parker said it, or was that something about Barneys? Either way she said something.

Tiffany’s is on Fifth Avenue. I wonder if I will have to pass it on the way to work, maybe I will have time to pop in and buy something maybe a tea pot; that would look really nice in my new kitchen. I won't use it; it will be just for show, then when I have guests over, they will be like “oh wow she has a tiffany tea pot.” If mum came over, she would try to use it. I know it. I will just have to put a note beside it saying, please don’t use me, I cost $200.

I decide to go into Doris and Jeff’s café and get a take away coffee. Doris looks so happy to see me. I actually feel a bit scared with the look on her face. I tell her I’m in a bit of a rush and practically run out the door, just as she starts to tell me about her twenty-eight year old single son, Simon, I think I heard her say.

I reach my office and didn’t have to pass Tiffany’s, I’m quite upset actually, I want my tea pot , I will have to go in on the way home . I walk into reception and nearly slip on the marble floor (what is it with marble floors and New York, they're everywhere). Plus it doesn’t help I have my biggest heels on. I walk over to the desk which is all silver and in the middle of the floor. There is a girl over there who looks like she may be tangled up in the headset she’s wearing. I take it, she is, because by the time I reach her, she is still spinning round on her chair trying to break free from the wire attached to the phones.

“hi , sorry , welcome to eh … sorry hold on a sec …stupid ear thing … welcome to Glam Up…can I help you ? “ she says.
“Yes, thanks I’m Sophie the new stylist. I just thought you would know where my office is…but I mean if you’re busy…or tied up … I will ask someone else “
“No no , sorry it’s just all phones ring at once, and I have to twist and turn, and well I get a bit tangled , anyway I’m jenny nice to meet you “

Jenny shows me to my office, which is on the second floor. Everywhere I look; there are massive photos on the walls of celebrities on the red carpet. Jenny is very nice , she’s a pretty looking girl , only about twenty two , blonde , a wee bit clumsy , no a big bit clumsy ; I mean on the way up here she has spilled Lydia’s coffee down her white shirt ( which I think is a Stella McCartney , I can't be too sure, but I’m not usually wrong ) . Dropped a dozen files and tripped on things that aren’t even there! I reach my office and thank Jenny as she walks away it is no surprise, she bumps into the water dispenser down the hall. I can't help but laugh this time; I had been so good too.

My office is amazing, big and all open planned, glass windows everywhere and looks straight onto the Empire State Building. I’m so lucky. I notice my name plate, and it’s one of those real ones - you know the gold ones with the black writing on them, not one of those sticky paper ones someone slaps on your jacket. I can't believe my luck today. I have a big leather spinning chair too. I have to have a shot of that. I spin around and look out my window.
I spin back around and notice by the door on the wall is a massive picture of Lydia and what looks like her pet rat or is that a dog? There goes my luck , I knew all these good things would come with a price, and here she is smiling back at me; well trying to , she looks as if she has had enough Botox to last a lifetime , the poor thing can

Additional Details

the poor thing can't even smile.

I have just noticed some of the comma's are spaced, I thought I had fixed these, sorry if it distracts you x

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

The commas didn't distract me, but the number of sentences that begin with "I" do. Do you think you might eliminate them?

Ex.
I have a big leather spinning chair too. I have to have a shot of that.
The soft leather desk chair spins easily. It is impossible to resist.