What are some funny or insightful quotes you enjoy?

Question

Here are some of mine.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
-Sam Levenson


"Where ever you go, there you are."

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you never can tell."
-Joan Crawford

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
-Wilson Mizner

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.
-William Arthur Ward

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? Billy Connoly

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. Dick Van Dyke

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Author Unknown

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. George Ade

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. William Castle

Without geography, you're nowhere. Author Unknown

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. P.D. East

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Author Unknown

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. Sir Winston Churchill

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. Author Unknown

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit. Bill Maher

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Unknown

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. Mark Twain

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Unknown

God's last name is not "Dammit." Unknown

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Oscar Wilde

A line is a dot that went for a walk.Paul Klee

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Robert Bloch




Have a nice day! :)

Answer 2

“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

Answer 3

Research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
Wernher von Braun

He who says it cannot be done should not interrupt a man doing it.
Chinese Proverb

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
Abraham Lincoln

If people throw rocks at you, collect them and build something..."
Jim Garrett

Source(s):

http://www.thelpa.com/lpa/quotes.html

Answer 4

ill give you both.

"friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it but only you get the warm feelings it brings"- anonymous

and

" Let every nation know, whether it wish us well or ill that we will pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe in order to assure the survival and success of liberty"- John F. Kennedy

another good one is

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll dies today

Answer 5

A pessimist is a person who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. Laurence J. Peter

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application. - Ken Kraft

It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Andy Rooney


All of these reaming quotes are from Groucho Marx, perhaps one of the wittiest people who ever lived………..just my opinion though.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.