I need your opinion! Is this a good story? And what are some good mermaid names.sorry its so long?

Question

Yes! My classmates and I were playing tag on our playground at Vaudeville Middle School. Luckily for me I am very limber and elusive, so I am very hard to catch. “I’m going to get you, Becky!” one of my classmates, Freddy called. He has brown hair and grayish blue eyes; he was one of the fastest kids in the 6th grade. As I was running, I took a quick glance behind me. Darn! I thought. He’s so close! I looked ahead and saw a pole sticking out from the monkey bars. I stuck my hand out to my left and did a u-turn using the pole to swing around. Freddy went flying forward, not expecting me to turn. I did not notice one of the mean popular girls coming towards me. Freddy and her were usually ‘it’. “Tag you’re it!” she yelled. Her name was Jessica, and her father owned Dairy Queen.
“Class! Time to come in,” Mrs. Sines called. “Okay!” we called. “Okay class, today we will be talking about ‘The Leaning Tower of Pisa’. It was built on the date of August 9th 1173. It is 183.27 feet from the ground on the lowest side and 186.02 ft on the highest side.” I raised my hand. “Yes Becky?” Mrs. Sines replied. “Do we need our laptops?” I asked. “Yes that would be good to have them,” she announced to the whole class. “Since we have such a short class today I am only going to give a brief synopsis. We pulled out our laptops. “Okay class who knows why the tower looks like it’s about to topple?” she asked. A girl named Sarah raised her hand. “Yes Sarah?” she replied. “My deem is that a giant pushed the tower over, but before it fell a troll stopped it and then a dragon killed the giant and the troll. And then-“ sarah replied. Mrs. Sines cut her off. “Sarah talk to me after class.” Mrs. Sines snapped. Then all of a sudden the fire alarm started ringing, we started to smell smoke! “Class we are going to have to vacate the classroom because the fire and smoke would induce our lungs to fill with smoke. Shoot! I thought. I could not get wet! Or else- I shuddered. I did not want to be a test at a government facility.
Once we met at the basketball court about 300 yards away from the building Mrs. Sines announced, “Class this was a setback from our lesson about the great tower; so we will continue it out here!”
“Miss. Smith!” Mrs. Sines called. I looked up. Oh no! I was in another reverie! “Y-yes Mrs. Sines?” I sputtered. “You may leave now,” she told me. Oh! Class was over. How embarrassing! “Yes m’am,” I replied. I got up and stuffed my books in my backpack that had luckily not been smoldered in the fire. As I got to my bike by the playground I noticed a note attached to it. I quickly scanned it. It said, I know you are not a mortal, neither am I. Meet me in the Annual Corn Field Maze down at Roseville Park about a 10 minute bike ride for you; Fish Girl. Sincerely, B.B. Time: 4:00
I looked at the clcok on my phone; it read 3:45. Mom won’t be home until five. I should have enough time. I hopped on my bike and started riding.
I arrived at the park right on time. There was a swing-set, a small lake, the cornfield maze, and couple of other typical park things. I parked my bike and walked into the field of corn. I had been here last week so I still had a map. I followed the map to the direct center. And called out, “Hello? B.B?” A handsome young boy about my age stepped out. “Hi.” He said. “I am B.B.” Wow! Was he a magician or wizard? “You gave me the note?” I asked. “Yeah. Cool writing huh?” he said. “Umm yeah sure. By the way I’m Becky, what’s B stand for?” I politely asked. Next thing I know he’s at my side, picking me up and throwing me in the lake! “AHHH!” I screamed. As soon as I hit the water I dove under making sure my ‘little secret’ didn’t show. “Hey Becky! B stands for Billy!” He yelled trying to get me to pop up. I didn’t need air now so I started to swim around on the bottom of the lake. Ugh. I thought. I might as well pop up. I took my hand and swirled it over my body and kicked my tail around in a circle. Swoosh! I popped up to the surface in about a second. “What do you want with me?!” I screamed at him. He sighed. I waited.
About a minute later he replied. “I am a wizard. Watch.” He pulled out a small white pole and tapped it on his hand. The top of it glowed blue. “I know you’re a mermaid. Don’t worry I won’t tell.” Billy said. I swam over to him. I hopped up onto dry land keeping my tail moist with a usual splash from my hand on it. I looked at my tail. The scales were light blue. “My fish name is-“ I said but Billy cut me off. “

Additional Details

P.S. this is my little sisters story NOT mine she is 11 and loves water.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Well, I guess it's alright, but the writing is immature at loads of points, but I'm guessing you have a very good plot idea. I guess it's fun to read.

Edit:
If it's your little sister's, she's really good.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

My sista says THANKS!!! =D