How can I improve on my thesis statement and conclusion?

Question

Thesis:

In “Harrison Bergeron”, Kurt Vonnegut demonstrates that total equality is undesirable by setting the story in the future, by using satire to exaggerate how awful equality is to persuade the reader that they should oppose equality and by using symbols such as handicaps and the media are also used to argue that total equality is undesirable.

Conclusion:
In conclusion in “Harrison Bergeron”, Kurt Vonnegut shows that total equality is undesirable by setting the story in the future to show the reader what would eventually occur if the idea of equality was taken to the extreme. Satire is also used to exaggerate how awful equality is to persuade readers to believe that total equality will violate human rights. Kurt Vonnegut also uses symbols such as handicaps which make everyone equal and Harrison Bergeron to display the lack of freedom present in a world of total equality.

My conclusion should have an intersening ending what do u suggest?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

As the wife of a professor, I suggest that you ask your professor for guidance. This is a completely inappropriate place to get help with a thesis. A thesis is supposed to be a platform for you to display your knowledge and intelligence, it isn't a question for Yahoo Answers. It's supposed to be your own ideas! My husband says that this is bordering on cheating. There would be nowhere for you to acknowledge any ideas that you received.

If you would like help to proof read your paragraphs, I am happy to help with that. Your grammar has a number of errors, and what you say doesn't flow too well. However, I don't know what institution you attend.

My husband constantly helps his students to organise their ideas as well as correct their grammar. I'm sure your professor will do the same if you ask.

Source(s):

I'm a proof reader/translator, married to a university professor

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

I appreciate your answer, even though you were not help, but i would just like to say that I wanted my grammar to be checked. I did not want anyone to give me ideas for my thesis statement.