My Thesis Statement. How can I improve it?

Question

In “Harrison Bergeron”, Kurt Vonnegut shows that equality is not desirable by setting the story in the future to show the reader what would eventually occur if the idea of equality was taken to the extreme. Kurt Vonnegut also uses symbols in Kurt Vonnegut such as handicaps to make everyone equal and the way in which the media allows the Handicapper General to control what everyone thinks. Satire is also used to persuade readers to believe that total equality will violate human rights and human nature.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

thesis
1. a proposition stated or put forward for consideration, esp. one to be discussed and proved or to be maintained against objections: He vigorously defended his thesis on the causes of war.
2. a subject for a composition or essay.
dictionary.com

What you have is a summary.
1. a comprehensive and usually brief abstract, recapitulation, or compendium of previously stated facts or statements.
dictionary.com

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

9

Answer 2

Its Awesome

Answer 3

Wow those sentences are too long and contain too much information. Break down those ideas (which are b the way, good) into discrete units.
Do not repeat the authors name as we know that Vonnegut wrote it, just use it in the opening phrase.
How is satire used? How does the media allow the 'controller general' control thought? What symbols are used?
I loved the story and you have some good ideas but you are trying to fit too much into a small space. Rewrite it and it will shine.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Wooooooooh
my head hurts!

Answer 5

You have way too much detail here. The thesis is meant to set up what you're going to say; you shouldn't explain the topics you're presenting until the body paragraphs.

Since you will be giving a short synopsis in the introductory sentences, your thesis doesn't require repeating the whole name and author. For example:

By using setting, symbols, and satire, Vonnegut conveys the idea that equality is not desirable and will cause more harm than good to society. (or something like that)

Just be short and to the point, because you don't want the reader to already know all your points before he/she reads your paper.