Is asking for money as a wedding gift appropriate?

Question

My fiance and I don't need anything as wedding gifts. We both have had fully furnished apartments and have purchased a house that came fully furnished as well. As a result, like I said, we don't need ANYTHING. We would like to ask family and friends for donations towards our honeymoon. We've also considered a honeymoon registry. We don't want to offend anyone, but we don't want a bunch of gifts that would be pretty much useless to us. Is this rude/inappropriate? Woul it be better to do a honeymoon registry?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

I've heard honeymoon registries called tacky by a LOT of people (in other questions and on other websites)... I think it's a fun idea, and here's a link to a couple websites:
http://registry.buy-our-honeymoon.com/
http://www.honeyfund.com/

If you're worried about people calling you tacky, don't do it - but if you're not worried then there's no reason not to. Honeymoons can be so expensive and getting family & friends to help out is a great way to lessen the financial blow for a good time.

Personally, if I were you, I just wouldn't register and when people ask where you're registered tell them you're not - they should get the hint.

Answer 2

you don't do that they way thing are people don't have much money and yes is very Inappropriate

Answer 3

You could do a honeymoon registry or not register at all. I don't think a honeymoon registry is rude (that's why they were created) and not registering anywhere usually lets people know you would prefer cash...without asking for it outright.

Answer 4

Oy, don't most people give a check as a present for a wedding?

for the engagement or the shower, you get gifts (appliances, silverware, china, etc)

Answer 5

I disagree, now-a-days people don't wanna go shopping. I would personally, and mind you, i may be a red-neck (lol) but i don't find it tasteless at all. Im in the same situation, both had fully furnished homes before we "merged". My family knows we don't need anything, it was made clear without being rude. Put a pretty, decorated basket or "treasure chest" out and let people do they're own thing! Good luck and Congratulations!!!
Q

Answer 6

Tacky tacky tacky....

Did I say tacky?

Answer 7

Honeymoon registries were invented by the travel agencies - i kow because I used to be part of one. We figured that, if people were going to be rude, we might as well make some money. I have to warn you about the registries for honeymoons. If your trip is going to cost $3000 and you don't have any $$ yourself, you are taking a huge risk. what if only $500 is contributed to your trip? you will only receive a CREDIT for the $500 to be used within a year so if you don't come up with the extra $2500, you - and the people you conned into giving you money on your registry - are all out of luck!! If you have a home and absolutely do not need a thing, then simply put "Please - your presence is all that we desire. No gifts please!" like people with manners do! you NEVER ask for, nor expect gifts. The only people who will agree with you about asking for cash are the tacky brides who are doing it themselves. Sure, you can have a pretty box on your gift table just in case some people prefer to drop a cheque or gift card, or you can tell your parents to let people (those who ASK) know that you prefer cash to gifts, but do NOT let people know yourself. A gift is a gift. It should never be considered as "useless". ADDON: High Five, Garnet!

Answer 8

Most people will just give a check anyway. I had the same problem and worried about it looking tacky and greedy but hey- think about your family. Will they rather give you money so you can have some security in these tough economic times or for you to purchase needed large items or would they rather you follow perfect etiquette? It's easy for me to say that it's tacky when it's someone else but if my niece were asking me that, I'd rather give her the money! I would want her to have what she wants and needs!
Anyway, the way I worded it on my wedding website was something along the lines of:
______ and _____ have chosen not to register for their wedding. Instead, they would be grateful for any contributions towards much needed, new furniture from:
www.homereserve.com

Anyway, my mom told me that if you just don't register people will get the hint. You can also use your parents/bridal party to spread the news tactfully. No one voiced being upset about my request and most were actually happy that they just had to write a check. Don't worry so much about what's "proper" and do what you feel comfortable with because what's comfortable for you has probably been learned from what's comfortable for your family members :-) Your wedding, do it your way!

Answer 9

Asking for money is not appropriate...most guests give cash as a gift anyway, especially if you don't register anywhere.

Would you walk up to a friend/family and say 'Hey, come to my birthday party, oh, BTW, bring cash as a gift.'

Why is it different for a wedding?

Besides, what gift is given is determined by the gift giver...and altho traditional, the gift is OPTIONAL.

Honeymoon registries are viewed by many as equally inappropriate...it's one thing to use the cash gifts you receive for the honeymoon, it's another thing to suggest in any way your wedding guests help pay for your honeymoon, which is really your first vacation as a married couple...would you help chip in on another's vacation cost? Send your best friend to Bermuda? Aunt Tillie to Hawaii? Think about it.

Answer 10

Just explain the situation. Someone did this to my mom once.. She was happy to just write a check :)

Answer 11

I did this for my sister's wedding and people liked it so much they called years later to ask me how I did it because they wanted to do the same thing. Basically, I let them know in advance that at the reception, they could pick components of the honeymoon they wanted to pay for so they were prepared. Some brought cash, some had checks, some sent me their money beforehand. At the reception itself, we had little cards hanging on a tree. Each card had a 'thing' and an associated cost like "Massage for Jenn" $70.00 or "Couples Massage "150.00". The cards ranged from $25 bottles of wine up to much more expensive. People picked one or more of the cards off the little tree and included them in an envelope I provided along with their money and then slipped them into a box. They got to buy 'something' rather than just give money but in the end, it completely paid for my sister's honeymoon and it made it easy for them to write the thank you cards because they associated each event with something they did on their honeymoon. They went to Hawaii so I put things on the cards like "one night honeymoon suite," "helicopter tour for two," "snorkel rentals for Jenn," "green fee for Bruce," "lunch at Wailea cafe" etc. The cards were all cute and weddingish too. It really was nice and I got compliments on it so I don't think anyone thought it was tacky. The biggest thing was that there were options for people who couldn't spend much too so they didn't feel like they had to spend more than they could afford.

Answer 12

Shopping for a wedding gift is hard unless couples are registered. Nobody wants to buy a gift that somebody doesn't want, therefore most people will just give cash so that YOU can decide on our own. :-) Also I have heard that honeymoon registeries are a scam...not sure if true just beware.

Answer 13

Yes, asking for money AND making up a honeymoon registry are both rude.

Why? Because a honeymoon is optional. People give gifts expecting the couple to use them. If I want to contribute to a trip, it will be a trip for myself.

OK...I find it completely hard to believe that you don't need ANYTHING! Wow...you are lucky. If that is indeed true, then simply write, "no gifts please."

If you really mean to say....we want money. Then simply do not register anywhere. People will get it and most likely give you money. But don't come out and ask for it. AND, the honeymoon registries are a rip off. I would not contribute to one as the travel agency is also taking a "cut" of the $$ that is given. They are not doing this as a free service.

Answer 14

Usually you get cash from buying a dance from the bride. I too feel that a honeymoon registry might be viewed as tacky but as a maybe the group can comment on a note that says something like this:

Thank you in advance for choosing to attend. In leiu of gifts, we request that you forgo giving wedding gifts as both of us have all of the items needed to get us going. Instead, we ask that you either make a donation to our favorite charity, the "Save the Whales, Collect the whole set" foundation or make a small donation to our honeymoon fund.

Make sure the mention of the honeymoon fund is last to make it less tacky.
Include an envelope for the charity of your choice in the invitation.
Of course, you can put in your own charity.

Answer 15

Very very rude and inappropriate to ask for money.

Answer 16

A honeymoon registry or even a money gift registry (check out www.rainfallofenvelopes.com - I'm a founder) is no less appropriate than a traditional store registry.

The important part is how you ask for gifts: Never mention gifts or registries with your invitations. Instead create a wedding website and list it there. We've had thousands of couples do that.

Answer 17

If you don't register anywhere, people generally get the hint and give money. It's rude to actually ask for money and I know others disagree, but I think honeymoon registries are rude as well.