What can I do after 30 years working hard to install an Intentional Community, realizing now that it failed?

Question

I dreamed my whole life to live in a place with 'kindred spirits' being creative and living an essential meaningful life, not being caught in the rat race of our society. When I was about forty, after having had a full life with family, business and all of a 'normal life', I found the ideal place to realize my dream. What followed could fill a book, so now only that much: After years of ups and downs I'm coming now to the conclusion that this is an illusion and can't work. It would function with a strong leader or guru, but I am rejecting this role as I reject any kind of manipulation. Another aspect why it failed is that there is no belief system offered that people can follow. There are no spiritual or religious concepts... We need to relate to what shows up in our daily life and respond out of our condition and so finding out where we are programmed, clearing up ourselves. I expect that people who live here have self responsibility and enough enthusiasm to do something beyond satisfying their own personality, but this seems so rare that in all this time maybe of the one thousand people who past the place only about ten had this capability and these people had the idea to found their own place... (Some then did it and after not so many years they failed...)
The last time was so extremely difficult, that I'm coming very near to give up, not an easy decision, but I want to spend the last ten or twenty years of my life with more sense than cleaning up the mess other people are causing.
I do not give people the fault and I'm not negative but it looks very much that there are no people who are able to live such a life style. There is living space for about twenty people and also enough food and not much work is necessary and so there is plenty of time to work on other projects to do something to 'better this world'. The last three years the place was only used by people to survive and they were not interested in my intention, they not even completed the few rules that are given like: NO drugs, NO smoking and NO alcoholics. When they apply to come here they all lie and tell beautiful things about themselves and when they show up... oh boy! And then they don't want to leave, having a comfortable room, enough food and all the freedom. I don't want to use violence to get them out and so they are using all kind of reasons to stay until finally they leave... Having contaminated the place...
When I write here at Yahoo Answers, then because I know that there are people here who might give me a kick so that I might find a way to continue and to succeed. It feels that this is my last chance, please give me your thoughts...
BeiYin

Additional Details

Stardancer: ...is this some kind of commune? Or more like a cult?
BeiYin: It started as 'Intentional Community', but there are many images connected with this and then people came here and there expectations were not fulfilled and they left disappointed, so I called it then 'place for friends'... When people can't put it in any category then they call it 'cult' and see it as something dubious and suspicious, but this is here every thing else but not a cult.
Stardancer: The reason for my confusion is that you obviously don't have a religious ilk, but you say there isn't much work to do there- so it can't be an active farm or anything.
BeiYin: There is no religious or spiritual concept offered. My philosophy is that we need to keep in contact with the earth, the ground we stand and walk on. Our daily life is our teacher and we need to relate and respond to what shows up, out of our own responsibility and being aware of our reactions coming from our unconscious background...

With other words: Getting to know ourselves and our human nature... But hardly anybody is really interested in this. People want in the first place self confirmation for their established concepts and their self image...
Stardancer: Have you a website? Or placing an ad locally that serves people who are interested in making a difference in the world)?
BeiYin: Yes, there is a Web site: http://falconblanco.com and I am presenting FalconBlanco at several Internet places, but there is hardly any response, I did many different ways, also local magazines. There have been responses and people came here, but mostly with disastrous results, as I said: They come to realize their beautiful dreams of love and harmony and expect this at the outside as confirmation and then are disappointed when they can't find it and when being told that they have to find it within themselves then they still give the fault to the outside and leave disappointed.

Stardancer: Don't give up- you just need to get yourself out there more.
BeiYin: I agree and my idea is to make more videos and a radio talk show, but I'm working the whole day and have not even time to do the most urgent personal things. I have bought a new video camera weeks ago and haven't had not yet time to read the manual!
Stardancer: Good luck- please be careful- and be quality, too... genuine people who would take this risk are not exactly a dime a dozen. Wish I had some of your guts;) It is not your last chance.
BeiYin: Thanks for your kind words and for starting the answer of my question... You might know that you can edit your answer and write something more, maybe after you have visited my Web site...

Comment to Rahmona's answer: Apart of working with plants and animals here at the place, we are doing recycling of pallets. We collect these at several companies as a free service. This makes sense because if we wouldn't do it then the pallets would go to the dumpster place. In this way we are saving trees and are not talking only about 'saving the environment'. If there would be some body interested to plant vegetable, then there is enough land, water and compost, but we are in contact with farmers around and have plenty of food for exchange of some help when organizing their sales. We don't do anything because of money, we do things because it makes sense and is necessary and we get every thing we need in abundance. One must see it to believe it!
Volunteers work about four hours daily (about the effectiveness of this work that's another story!) So every body has plenty of time to do their own thing, some thing artistically or what ever...

Yes, healing is an important part of my work and I am convinced that there can be done a lot that can change peoples life so that they can grow in a conscious way getting out of the role of victims. There is a lot to say about this, but here the space is limited, so please go to my Web site. I have healed myself from Fibromyalgia and also from an inguinal hernia and have written in details about it...

Hi friends here at Yahoo Answers! I'm getting involved and excited about this process of questions and answers. Indeed it is a transformational 'growing process'! There is no 'best answer' this only can be the result of coming together and creating 'group energy' that in it's walk will bring the solution coming out of finding new horizons and a new attitude, that is free from past experiences and limitations, then this will be the 'best answer'!
I'm working on it to find a way to write comments about your answers to make this process visible. I appreciate very much the space here at Yahoo Answers, but the limitations are strict and so I will look for a solution to express myself. I will let you know soon... Thank you very much for your answers, I'm impressed about the effort you have invested in your thoughts and also about the depth. This is something I have had in past group happenings here at FalconBlanco and I see already how this will happen again in the future...

I have made comments to all the answers, please go to:
http://falconblanco.com/fbdiscus/exchang…
You can make your comment here at Yahoo Answers by editing your answer. Thank you all!

I am updating my comments and I have made a new page:
http://falconblanco.com/allabout.html

I just updated the page, - a new person (Betsy) has joined, I left parts of her answer to be commented by you...
The group energy here is changing...
The page is getting too long, maybe needs to be edit.

I just answered a question at:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
It has to do with my intention of FalconBlanco and as consequence it becomes clear why this has difficulties to function...

I responded to several answers more at:
http://falconblanco.com/fbdiscus/exchang…
Pretty long. What do you think? Is it worth to be read? For me it was inspiring and I look forward much more relaxed...)

I tried to make my last update with my response to a 'tough message from Chaterine' but it doesn't work, so I will put it on my Web site: http://falconblanco.com/fbdiscus/exchang… if you are interested to read it.
This probably is my last update. I thank you all for the effort in writing your answer. It has helped me to find the right and 'best answer' within myself. Thanks and maybe we meet again here at 'Yahoo! Answers'.
BeiYin
I will leave the question open to vote for the 'best answer'.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

You have received some very good advices with answers coming in by now, mostly with hints how you should change the set up of your intention. But you had ask: "What can I do?'' and this is referring to your personal engagement. It is the usual way to relate to a situation that when something doesn't work or is in an unwanted condition, that then one wants to change it by d o i n g something about it, but seldom the question is what one can do with oneself and this might be the most important! Here often one can find the reason why something doesn't work. Maybe the goal is just not realistic or the surrounding environment is not favorable or the material available is not suitable. You ask what to do. I suggest that you go into a state of 'non-doing' and check your attitude. You wrote that you are convinced that what ever shows up in your life that this gives the best opportunity to learn and to grow. So then this also is valid for your situation right now. So what is it exactly you need to learn right now from this situation? Indeed it might be a change of your attitude. Is there still resistance and you can't accept what is there? The fact that people are not interested in your intention or that they are simply not ready for it. So better forget about these people and open yourself for the possibility that there are showing up people who are ready for your intention and want to live it, people who are not filled with all kind of expectations and are capable to relate to what is there. It is obvious that because of many years of experience with those programmed and limited people you have a negative expectation, be aware of it and then drop it! Make space for the other people, they are waiting to show up!
Then also your 'doing' will be effective in what ever it is on the practical level, you will see.
I wish you light!
InkyPinkie

Answer 2

Not sure I am 100% with you- is this some kind of commune? Or more like a cult? The reason for my confusion is that you obviously don't have a religious ilk, but you say there isn't much work to do there- so it can't be an active farm or anything.

Have you considered setting up a website? Or maybe placing an ad somewhere locally (a local magazine that serves people who are interested in making a difference in the world)?

Don't give up- you just need to get yourself out there more.

Good luck- please be careful- and be quality, too... genuine people who would take this risk are not exactly a dime a dozen. Wish I had some of your guts;)

It is not your last chance.
-peace

Answer 3

You haven't answered Stardancers question about the work you are doing. That seems to be very important to attract people that they can do something that makes sense and as you say: 'keeps them in contact with the earth'.
I can see from your Web site that you are very interested in 'healing yourself' and I believe that this is an important work and needs much more investigation and experience. We are so much influenced by the established health system and to take self responsibility is something nearly unknown! So I can see that what you are doing is important...
Rahmona

Answer 4

Sorry if I am a little bit tough here, but I have a lot of experience in Community life.

The Community life is a very hard life indeed.

Because everything is multiplied. From the most Materialistic and Practical, to the most Emotional and Spiritual, every day is about solving a problem.

You said that you do not want to be a Spiritual Leader, because you dislike manipulation, but next you notice that people are not interested in your intentions.
This is because of the absence of Spiritual structure.
With no Spiritual structure, let alone Spiritual leadership, it means that they feel free to believe in what they want.
Next, you cannot blame them for that.
But you are still responsible.
So, oh my God, I can relate to the agony that you are currently experiencing.

It would not be charitable to force people out now.
It is too late.
Try to make do with the present situation.
And let things slow down progressively till the end.

A Community needs a structure. There is no way around it.
Otherwise, it is just a Camping site, and problems start to accumulate.

So, a Spiritual or Philosophical structure.
It is not about manipulating people, it is about establishing an Identity, a strong Identity.
So a Strong Spirit or Charisma, has to be found somewhere. If not in yourself, then in someone else or something else.
And something that has passed the test of time as well. Something sound, rich and solid.
Otherwise, it is the open door to chaos and instability.

Now, after this Spiritual Identity has been firmly established, let people come.
There are people who will be attracted to this, because the World is made of all kinds, and there is enough space for every one.

After that, if some people tell you that they are really interested, tell them that they will have to go through several Periods of Probation.
And that even though the Place is beautiful and comfortable, what is at the Heart of the Community is foremost the Spiritual Identity.
And you would have written a Book clearly stating what is this Spiritual Identity, and how you envision to put in practice.
This Book will be the Rule/ Canon/ Precept/ Standard, so to speak. So it is very important.
It will be the Reference Book for the whole Community for years.
It is not about Control.
It is about Unity.
You cannot obtain Unity if people have nothing to unite themselves with.
It is Human Nature.

Hopefully, as time pass by, a serious Spiritual Unity will start to be seen. Quite potent and real.
This Spiritual Unity is the only thing that will bring genuine happiness to the Community.

Every one will be at their best behaviour, if they feel that their Heart is fulfilled by something precious and important.

And you have to be kind but firm with the people that you feel are not suitable, after their Period of Probation has ended.

So after a while, you will have Seniors and Juniors. Ancients and Newcomers.
And people in between, with a variety of skills.
A small Hierarchy will begin to take shape.
Which is something of great value for you, because you need to be supported by a small team of reliable assistants.
They will bring you great relief and backing and reinforcement.

Then, things will start to relax.

Every one in their rightful place.

Creativity can occur. At every level : Material, Emotional, Spiritual, and Intellectual.

The Community will be plain sailing through the sea of all the Schedules, and Programs of activities.
They can include Entertainment, Art, Teaching, Healing, Charitable work, even Business such as selling for local Markets for instance.
But there can be many other options.

I think that the Program of activities must contain some events, weekly or daily, which are compulsive.
Such as for instance, Periods of Communal Spiritual Practice, Periods of Communal decision making, and Periods of Communal recreation.
And some events that are not compulsive.
To allow a balance between individual freedom, and Community Commitment.

A significant part of your role will be to never let someone drift apart, and or become lonely.
There is a lot of loneliness in Community life.
So, you will have a dialogue with each one of them, every week or every two weeks, on a regular basis.

It prevents a lot of gossips.
And gossips are the killer of a Community !

Etc.

I must stop.

There is so much more that can be said.

Take care.

PS : your Website is very well done.

EDIT : Oh, ... you are soooooo thorough and comprehensive. What a good man you are.
So deep and extensive thoughts ! Well, I am lost. You are superseding me by many miles. It is ok. I am very relaxed about that.
You are so right. I could not stay one day in your Community, I am so ill equipped.
But I admire your impressive difference.
You are not ordinary.
Are you forgiving people for being just ordinary or "programmed" like you said ?
Nop.
And may be you are right.
May be this is your role. Your mission.
I mean it, you are remarkable and exceptional.
For instance, your idea on how to prolong our dialogue here at Y/A is not common, and I do not think that many people ever used that clever devise before.
You are welcome.
You see I am talking to you now.
I am just being humbled.
You are right, my experience of Community life is Catholic and French, and probably obsolete and old fashioned for our present days.
Not quite though. I wish you could visit what are called the "New Christian Communities" in France, and feel the Spirit, courage and commitment of all the Priests, Brothers and Sisters. Day after day. Year after year. They are awe-inspiring.
But fair enough, their belief is a conditioned belief. Yes.
There is something much better to be done and achieved. Yep. You are showing me that.
All I know is that I like you, I love you.
I took your Question so much at heart you know.
And I sincerely wish you the very best, because you are, again, not an ordinary man.
Oh, ... one thing that we both agree about, ... you sooooo have the right energy, talent and insight to write a Book.
Sorry, I did not go to your Poetry pages either, but I went to your Art pages. Your Art fascinated me.
And I was captivated by your ever so strange and unusual story about that enigmatic "stuff" that once upon a time grew in your fridge and ended up in your garage, the story that you recounted in your Audio. I think it is Surrealism. Well done ! Your voice and elocution is wonderful to listen to.

EDIT 2 : Super super ! Ah ah ah ! Well done ! The Video called "Transformation", about a visit of yours once upon a time, in a Barber shop ... turning Surrealistic again, oh ... It is just brilliant. What fun ! I have never seen something like that before. It is so well done. It is so well acted, and the editing is a Master piece. And may I say, ... you are very handsome.
You remind me of the Actor and Comedian Billy Connelly.
What is Time, eh ?! Sure our psychological inner state has been conditioned by our particular understanding of Time, and this since we were born.
So when Time plays a trick on us like that, it is absolutely hilarious.
Also, I suspect that the message is that the man leaves the Barber shop exactly the same as he came.
But, he is happy ! He is happy with his so-called Transformation.
But because Time here is being mysteriously reversed, nothing happened at all !
So why the change in emotion ?
Ah ah ah ah, ... very good.

You may want to visit my Weblog :
http://catherinephilosophie.wordpress.co…

Our dialogue is open here, and hopefully interesting in matters related to the Psychology of Culture.

Answer 5

i have lived in many intentional communities and find that the dynamics are finely balanced - in one we had a strong guru like figure and he died and the group got even stronger and more equal after grieving. None of the communities I lived in had shared spiritual aims unless co-operation cold be seen as spiritual.
In all of them we worked exceedingly hard not only doing our days work but also holding the endless meeting s that are needed to keep on track with the groups aims.

I have been really exhausted really cold and yet feeling part of a group and laughing like a drain together in the evenings or sitting quietly and listening to a radio play together and sewing was just blissful.

How about you take a look at some groups that are successful look up Diggers and dreamers the uk directory of communities. There are also people who can come in and look at your groups dynamics in a helpful way.

I used to be a co-operative trouble shooter and am very interested in group dynamics all sorts of internal processes can de-rail a group.

Answer 6

There are different possibilities to interpret your question. What you can do? You can let yourself fall into a deep depression, that would be normal after having worked for so many years and now every thing is collapsing. Or you can say to yourself: "Well, I have done the best I could, that it failed might not be my fault, in case it is, then what have I done wrong? Without doubt I have learned a lot, more than I would have learned being alone or in a single relationship. So if I have to finish this episode of my life, then there will start a new one where I can use all, for myself and for others..."
So then you will get out of the negative energy that is holding you now and you can go forward, fresh and with new creative outlook. My best wishes are with you!
Isidora
PS: You can notice it already: look at the good energy here, you are surrounded by friends, there is no negativity, black mail or gossips!

Answer 7

Hello BeiYin,

Have you tried every angle possible to make this work for the last thirty years? If not and you feel that you have more things to test out then by all means do this. On the other hand if you feel that anything more would be like a shot in a wooden leg then I would say that you are at a seriously pivital point. Perhaps you could think of this as a golden opportunity to discover some different approach that may work since now you know what doesn't.

I love the fact that you want to make a place that is designed for working on the self, which I think means that you want to encourage an improvement in yourself and humanity. I can't tell you how important it is to cling to this notion but you have to keep searching for the particular method that truly works. Inner attitude is key really. The worse our attitude toward others is, the worse that our experience is likely to be. Everyone who comes to the Island must feel that contributing to the Island community is the same as contributing to themself. This cannot be forced on the people but they should be educated that this is the best way to make it fulfilling for everyone and be willing to have this attitude.

The aim to have and hold up is the idea that being a giver is the highest way to be and to act for selfish purpose is shamed and seen as unsavory. Giving to the group should be a pleasure, and not to give should feel bad. The only competition should be who can give the most. This requires guidance and leadership and good examples to follow. Excersises and projects that require teamwork. You don't have to use a spiritual theme or any religious idea to unite in a positive way but you could use examples from nature to illustrate the harmonic interdependancy of a forest or a plain, the way that minerals, plants and animals interact to form a pefect balance in an ecosystem, or the way the cells of a healthy body work together to keep an orgaism alive.

You are on the right track by wanting to work in a group and work on self improvement. Honestly, there is no distant corner of the world that you can go where you won't be touched by the full blown ego of this globalized interdependent humanity and this is something you should prepare about and know how to rise above and keep your community strong, not only for yourselves, but for the good of humanity. I do wish you the best of luck what ever you decide to do. Working with others and for others, you will surely find that your combined positive aspiration will be the sail that catches the great wind!

Some links you may find helpful:
http://www.laitman.com/2008/10/humanity-…
http://www.kabbalah.info/eng/content/vie…
http://www.laitman.com/2009/05/what-is-b…

Answer 8

Do you have enough time in your life to make it work? Is there something else you want to do in your life?

I am just asking because it is silly to keep doing the same thing over and over if it doesn't get anywhere. Maybe you should close the whole place down, take a break, and come back in a year or so after you have travelled the earth. I don't know, it sounds like you would benefit from a vacation of sorts. Is there someone else there who can lead the way while you would be gone, simply put who has the energy to keep the place going for a while, while you take a break.

Maybe you don't want to take a break, then keep doing what you are doing. Maybe you are just at a turning point where everything will change...

Just out of curiousity, can i ask you: What is the meaning of 'success' for you? What would it look like to you when Falcon Blanco is a success?