Why is she hot then cold?

Question

Here's the gist of it: My partner and I broke up about three weeks ago. We had a huge argument that turned very dramatic/loud.

She left once, but then returned immediately. Then, after waiting a few seconds she left again--this time for good.

After five or six hours had passed, she came back home with someone else in tow (I was asleep, and stayed in the bedroom). She said she needed to grab a few things.

But she ended up not grabbing very much. I just finished packing 9 boxes of her stuff, including her laptop.

Anyhow, the day after the break up, she called sobbing about missing me. We talked, and decided that we still wanted to be together. She mentioned going to therapy for the first time, and discovering that she was depressed. She said that she was excited to be a better person, and a better partner to me.

She came by later that night, and stayed for just about five minutes. We kissed a bit, but I think that both of us were afraid to get too involved in it.

I decided to leave a card on her windshield the next day. Basically, it just a simple I Love You card with a copy of ee cummings I carry your heart in my heart. I thought she would find it sweet.

When I talked to her the next day though, she was ice cold. I asked about the card, and she said very flatly "I got it." Then she talked very clinically about what "I" was going to do. I asked for clarification, and she corrected to "we", but it was clear she didn't mean it.

She was so distant on the phone that I told her that I didn't know what was going on. She said she didn't either. Then she said she was "sorting through her feelings." I asked what that meant. She repeated the same phrase.

The conversation really hurt, especially on the heels of the lovey dovey one that we had just had the day before. I told her that it was painful to speak with her, and we hung up. She called later to say "I miss you" in the most shallow way one can utter that phrase. I told her that it hurt to talk...that we should back off for awhile.

She called again. I stupidly answered. This time she said, "Oh I shouldn't call and say I miss you, it hurts you." As if she no longer experienced any hurt (one day after a sobbing "I miss you" message).

Well, after that, I refused to answer her calls. At that point, to me, it was mean to keep calling given we agreed that the calls were painful to me.

Then we found out that we had to move from our apartment. Long story. I texted her, and told her. No response. Texted. No response. Finally, I asked if she were ignoring me. She said, "I'm sorting through my feelings."

Since then, I have asked her to come and get her belongings, even providing a time when I wouldn't be here so there's no awkward confrontation. She works right across the street. I have seen her car parked around our apartment day after day.

She ignores all of my texts about getting her belongings. She hasn't even returned my belongings, which include my mother's things (my mom passed away about a year ago so her things mean quite a lot to me).

Why the quick change from "I still want to marry you" to "what are you going to do?" Oh, and while asking what I was going to do, she went on about how much stronger each of us was going to be because of this (although it was unclear what *this* meant). I figured it was code for break up, but then she called (as I noted above) a bunch more times over the following days.

I haven't heard from her in two weeks. And I'm still wondering...what happened.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Be gregarious, not invisible. People won't notice you're even there if you don't do something noticeable.
Smile. Be cheerful, not depressed. Say hi to people at the grocery store. Chances are people will smile back and say hi and treat you better. Just act like a person who is having a lot of fun. Remember, if you act like you are really happy, you will usually feel happy.
Try not to show emotion, sensitivity, or anger too easily (especially around those you don't know well). Try to keep a laid back, calm, and happy attitude, even when something doesn't go your way. Others may get turned off if they see you are difficult, neurotic, insecure or overemotional. People who keep their emotions under control are also some of the most likable. That doesn't mean that you should be aloof or cold to the emotional needs of others, but that you should be sympathetic in a calm and gentle manner. As mentioned in Step 1, others want to see a person who is happy and stable. Always have a good sense of humor as well.
Practice basic rules of hygiene. No one will want to be around someone who stinks and doesn't brush their teeth. So, take regular showers or baths, wash your hair, shave if you need to, brush and floss your teeth, comb your hair, use breath mints or minty gum, clip/clean your nails, use deodorant, change clothes, clean your hands, etc.
Ask people about themselves. Be interested in them. Listen and look interested in what they have to say, even if you are not. If you are in a conversation and hear yourself saying " I did this, I did that", stop yourself and ask the other person's opinion.