My parents are dependent on me and I'm financially dependent on them..what to do?

Question

I am 25 years & still living with my parents. I graduated college last year and my life & parents life has completely changed since Dec2008 when my sister who was 26 and working overseas passed away. Now i have become an only child. It has always been stressful at home bc my parents have always given me a strict curfew (12am) things has gotten worse now.

i had a retail job but quit after my sister passed away so that i can help out at home and be with my mother who is a stay at home mother. Now its been 5 months and i feel its time i get my life back on track...but im lacking the motivation. My parents are in emotional need of me and me in financial need of them.

My parents have been paying my bills and school loans and it makes me feel very grateful with my parents and i hope to someday give back to them as much as they given to them. But at the same time im not happy with my situation, i feel irritated that i cannot be financially independent.and that i graduated with my B.A.and dont have a job.

Im so frustrated!! i am now looking for a job and trying to get my life on track but its hard..I hardly go out bc i feel my parents need me too much. I help them out as much as i can, and my parents dont have many sincere friends so if they go out it usally includes me going out with them. For example today is Saturday and instead of going out with friends like a normal 25 yr old would do im here with my parents trying to decide where we are going to go. I feel irritated, and i have this huge thing that makes me feel responsible and bad if i leave them for too long. I wish they had more friends, activities so that their world wouldnt revolve what seems like me. I want to go to Vegas with my bf but i know my parents wont let me stay out for a whole weekend, even if i wouldnt be spending their money bc my bf would be paying. they just get so paranoid when im not home, or out late...Ahhh

ever been in my situation, any advice, i know i need to make changes..first get a job!! but what else can i do, please help. p.s. i turn 26 in july ;(

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

It sounds like your parents are not coping really well with the loss of their daughter and have become overprotective of yourself.
While at first you wanted to be the good daughter, it is now becoming too much of a strain on yourself.
Understandable as everybody copes with loss on an individual base.
You really need to get a job to be able to get some finances for yourself: that will help you get a place for yourself near your job. Then set a family time for your parents and one for yourself.
If you want to stay out late, let them know that you will be late because you want to spend some time with your friends and where you are going if they ask. There might be some resistance: talk it out in a calm way. Note that they could call you selfish. If so tell them that you understand their grief but that the passed events can not make you put your own life in a glass cabinet and that you are also grieving but need to live.
Ask them what they would like to do on your family time or think of something fun to do with them yourself.
Try to get your mum to join a local hobby club or learn a new skill.
My mum is 67 and living on her own in Belgium while myself and my sister moved to the UK: she went on a computer course, is learning French and has learned to make advanced Belgian lace.
She is also always busy with card making and gardening.
She misses us a lot but we speak on the phone almost all the time.
She sometimes comes and sees us in the UK and we sometimes go back home ourselves.
She does feel lonely and misses us a lot but understands that we need to make our own lives.
I understand that and try to accomodate that: we have become even closer since we are living far away.
You just need to take the first step: they will come around. Let them know that you are safe.

Source(s):

Been there and am there

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thank you for your advice, i will try to follow :) really appreciate everyone who took the time to write a comment except for the first rude one

Answer 2

shut the **** up fool!!!!

Answer 3

I know this sounds cruel, but aren't they being a little selfish for not pushing you out of the house so you can have and live your own life? I mean it's not like you can't visit them from time to time. What were they doing at your age? Probably starting a family or something. Think about yourself here. You matter equally as much as them.

Answer 4

Get a job and get out on your own. Your parents made it without you before you were born and they will make it without you now. It doesn't sound like you are very supportive of your parents, it sounds like you're using them as a crutch.

Answer 5

you are 25 and your parents give you a curfew? my god. they need to get a grip. get a job and get out of there. they need to realise that you are a person in your own right and they can't depend on you for everything. they are struggling to learn that their little girl is grown up. well done on getting your degree, but why would you work so hard and not use it? really really try and get a job and just go pout and have fun. your parents need to grow up. whats the worst they could do to you if you went away for the weekend??

Answer 6

Fly Little Bird Fly! Yes, it's time to leave the nest. I understand exactly what your saying and commend you for hanging in there so long. You are a Blessing to your parents and always will be whether you live there with them or not. Seriously, you need to talk to them about how you feel, your an adult now and let them be reminded. You need to go to Vegas and have fun. Don't sit there and worry about your parents or think your such a bad daughter. Your not, but they may want you to feel that way. You are Grown Girl so act like it. Your the adult now and there the children. Do what is best for you and in turn might help them become more independent themselves. Good Luck and Live Your Life!!!

Answer 7

Get a job, if you love your boyfriend, ask him boyfriend if he is interested to marry you. If not, look for someone else who does and you would fall in love with. At your age now is right fruitful one to healthly produce healthy normal intelligent children. Think. So now is your right time (ripe age) to start a family of your own and have five kids (lucky number for having children). You kids will be fortunate to experience too the love of grandparents and the grandparents still in most alert mind stage to experience being around to love the grandchildren. Everyone experiences financial crisis whether they marry or not.

Answer 8

Quit blaming your parents for your own ineffectiveness. You are using them as an excuse for you to not take responsibility for yourself. Get a job. Get your own place to live. Get off that "poor helpless me" trip.

Maybe your parents would like a break from you. They managed to live their lives before they had you and your sister, and apparently they were independent until your sister passed away. So who appointed you as their lifetime caretaker?

Answer 9

alright first. TAKE A DEEP BREATH, NO ACTUALLY TAKE A FEW. you're stressing way too much and it's not healthy for you. i think you and i both know that you need to get a move on with your life. and being 25, your parents absolutely DO NOT set your curfew, THAT, is for high schoolers hun. you need to tell you parents upfront that you love them very much and will help them with anything but from your own house or own apartment and not 24-7. if your parents are still distressed about your sister (and i'm sorry :( ) then get them hooked up with a counselor or something. a group of people who are suffering the same thing.

your young and deserve to live and no offense but if you stay like this your bf going to dump you. and we don't want that to happen!!!

move out and get a job. or stay but you def need a full time job. and tell your parents that you are by far old enough to make your own decisions and will set your own curfew. maybe promise them to do laundry twice a week or something but you need to take control of your own life girl.

getting a job, will make you financially INdependent. and moving out with give you and your parents space. even if you move down the street.

SO GET A JOB, BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT, TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE and live. have fun. i know this is a huge leap but you have to jump it. your sister wouldn't want you and your parents to live like this. she wants to you move on and be happy. tell your mom this too :)

i hope i helped you:)

Source(s):

natural gift