What is a good conclusion for this essay? Also is it any good? I wrote it in a hurry?!?

Question

Temptation in Narnia

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” This famous quote, said by Oscar Wilde, means that the only way to the only way to stop being tempted is to do what is tempting. This quote doesn’t apply for everything. Everywhere you look there is temptation, from the story of Adam and Eve to average people today. Another example is the book, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Today I am going to tell you about three examples of temptation in this book including: Edmund tempted to lie about narnia to make Lucy angry, Mr. Tumnis was tempted to let Lucy go, and Edmund again was tempted to betray Aslan.

In the beginning of the book, Lucy found a wardrobe that lead to a magical land and when she told her sibling, no one believed her. Then one day, Edmund, entered the wardrobe and found that there really was a magical land called Narnia. Edmund was mad at Lucy so he was tempted to tell the older kids, Peter and Susan, that they were just playing all along. And that is what he did.

Most of the time temptation is bad but in case, it is a good thing. The White Witch told Mr. Tumnis, the faun, that if he ever saw a human, to bring he/she to the white witch. So when he found Lucy, he was planning to chat with her until she fell asleep, and bring her to the witch. At first he thought humans were bad, but he talked with Lucy he saw that she was nice and didn’t want to kidnap her. He was tempted to let her go, and he also did.

Back to Edmund again, when he first went to Narnia, the white witch tempted him with turkish delight and to make him king. All he had to do was bring his brothers and sisters to her castle. After that, Edmund was on the witches side and betrayed Aslan.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Trying not to tear you apart.

Edits are in parens

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” This famous quote, said(Stated?) by Oscar Wilde, means that the only way( you said this twice) to the only way to stop being tempted is to do what is tempting. This quote doesn’t apply for everything. (Then maybe you should find a better quote? Oscar Wilde was a questionable guy.)Everywhere you look there is temptation, from the story of Adam and Eve to average people today. (Good) Another example is the book, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Today I am going to tell you about three examples of temptation in this book(bad, you should probably say "Three examples found in the text are...) including: Edmund tempted to lie about narnia to make Lucy angry, Mr. Tumnis was tempted to let Lucy go, and Edmund again was tempted to betray Aslan.

In the beginning of the book, Lucy found a wardrobe that lead to a magical land and when she told her sibling, no one believed her. Then one day(word choice), Edmund, entered the wardrobe and found that there really was a magical land called Narnia. Edmund was mad at Lucy so he was tempted to tell the older kids, Peter and Susan, that they were just playing all along. And that is what he did.

Most of the time temptation is bad (insert comma)but in(this) case, it is a good thing. The White Witch told Mr. Tumnis, the faun, that if he ever saw a human, to bring he/(use or--never use slash in essay)te witch. So when he found Lucy, he was planning to chat with her until she fell asleep, and bring her to the witch. At first he thought humans were bad, but he talked with Lucy he saw that she was nice and didn’t want to kidnap her. He was tempted to let her go, and he also did.

Back to Edmund again(say "on edmunds note..."), when he first went to Narnia, the white witch tempted him with turkish delight and to make him king. All he had to do was bring his brothers and sisters to her castle. After that, Edmund was on the witches side and betrayed Aslan.



For conclusion:

Talk about how it is unreal to not be tempted, but people should try the best they can. Maybe incorporate modern event. Sum up everything and restate your thesis. Make sure you have a clear thesis and your teacher can tell what it is. My teacher really emphasizes this.




Your mechanics is pretty good.

No spelling errors. :)

Maybe you should write more depending on your assignment?

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thx! U helped so much and you probably took a lot of time on me!

Answer 2

it is good..

Answer 3

What was the actual question for this essay? Because it looks to me like you are just re telling parts of the book in your own words. Don't you need to do some explaining and add some quotes in there? It will make your essay more interesting and will also give it a much better grade.
I'm 15 and doing my GCSE coursework so I know from experience and being told by an English teacher that just pointing out things wont gain you a high mark. You need to explain effects aswell :)

Answer 4

i won't lie...i think ur essay needs revision...in the second line there is repetition of words like *the only way to..(which u wrote twice)
its ok i consider that human error...all i say look at it once more..
hey which grade ur in?...
u've used the word tempted alot more times...i would suggest u to use synonyms like provoke, attract, incite...etc.
hm-mm practice n u'll get perfect...its fine to make mistakes, that's how we learn...keep up the good work
have a good day