Please read this story and rate??(its short)?

Question

Hello,i want to help and encourage my friend in completing a story she wrote and i decided to paste some of the pages here and please rate and tell me what do you think and is it worth it to continue and BTW SHES JUST 13 AND ITS HER FIRST STORY !!!!!


1





I lay down in bed, with soundless tears streaming endlessly down my cheeks. Pictures of my parents rolled in my head, which reminded me of pleasant memories. I didn’t know if I could do this. I didn’t know if I could bare the responsibility that hung on my shoulders.

My dad passed away a month ago, which left my mother to parent us, my thirteen year old sister, Grace, and me. She wasn’t able to handle the loss of her beloved husband and the single-parenting of two teenaged daughters, which struck her. She had a history of high blood pressure, which sent her to the hospital. She couldn’t bear the loneliness any more, and joined dad in heaven, just a day before my eighteenth birthday, leaving me in charge of my thirteen year old sister.

As a legal adult, I got custody on Grace, and the social services sent an employee to check on us every month or so.

They informed me that I had to get a decent job and manage to give Grace a happy living. Right now, I have a half-time job, a server in a fast food restaurant, and I have applied for another, in an bookstore.

I ****** my head to look at the time on the digital watch on my side table. 7:03, it said.

I rubbed the tears away, and got off the bed and strolled down the corridor to Grace’s room. I cracked the door just the tiniest bit to see if she was awake. She was fully dresses and was lying on the bed on her torso, legs crossed in the air, reading a book.

When she saw me, her eyes popped out of her sockets.

“Angela? Why are your eyes so puffy?” she questioned.

I doubted whether to tell her or not. Grace was very emotional about mum and dad passing away, and I tried very hard to not let her see me when I was having an emotional breakdown.

“From sleeping,” I croaked, in what I hoped was a convincing answer.

“Oh.” She looked relieved but there was the faintest trace of suspicion on her face. She looked down and continued reading.

Grace had beautiful green eyes and golden brown hair that hung to her shoulders. She was medium-sized and athletic. I believed that she was going to be very difficult for me to handle, like those troubled teenage kids that you saw on TV, but Grace didn’t give me a hard time at all. She helped me with chores, did her studying and homework, and got A’s in all her exams and assignments. She was really comfortable to be around.

“Get ready for breakfast,” I reminded her. She nodded and continued reading.

I headed to the bathroom and took a warm, rapid shower. I brushed my teeth, wrapped myself in a towel and went to my room. I took out a pink sweater and a pair of jeans, put them on, and combed my long brown hair. I tied it up in a high ponytail, and stared at myself in the mirror. I saw a wide-eyed girl staring back at me with light brown eyes, the faintest trace of puffiness, surrounding her eyes. A few brown hair strands were out of place. Her hand reached out and adjusted them. I quickly made the bed and went downstairs.

Grace was waiting at the table when I arrived. I quickly made her some scrambled eggs and poured her some orange juice, which she eyed appreciatively. I made myself some hot coco and went through the mail on the counter.

One was from the social services, which I kept for last. Another was from some distant relatives. I ripped the envelope open and pulled the letter out. It contained the usual, the how are you’s and if you need any help just give us a call’s. I put it aside, and gave it an appreciative look, promising myself to answer to that after I got back from college.

I went through the rest and stopped at the last envelope. It was from the bookstore. I hastily opened the envelope and started reading.

I felt Grace’s stare on my face. This was it. We desperately needed money. “YES!” I exclaimed. Grace ran over to me.

“Congratulations!” she shouted happily as she ran over to hug me. I hugged her back.

“Come on, let’s tell Amy the great news.”

“Let’s.”

Amy Carter was my best friend since eighth grade. We met on the first day in Art class, and we have been close friends since then.

Her parents were over helpful towards Grace and me. They brought us lunch sometimes, sent Amy over to help us with chores and groceries, and offered to our school funds, which I refused immediately.

I grabbed my keys, backpack and the unopened social services letter.

I jumped into the car, placed the key in the ignition, and turned the engine on. The car was a gift from my parents that I got when I received my driving license.

It was a pleasant day in the middle of October. Dry leaves covered the ground. The sun was hidden between white, fluffy clouds. I rolled the windows down to let the cool breeze in.

W

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

i think this story is great, its ful of emotion and real life situations.

Just tell your friend that i think its quite good to and that its brill and she should keep going with it. =)

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thanks =D

Answer 2

its nice... but the story... just doubted what happened to Angela when she received the good news..???

Answer 3

really nice for such a young girl

Answer 4

Be honest and tell her that having creativity-and being able to express it in written words is good. It is important for her to understand that she must become technically proficient with her writing skills.
Let her know that the best selling author in history-Stephen King-never sold a single book until he finished his degree in English at the University of Maine.
Then tell her to keep writing. It is quite good.

s_e_s

Answer 5

it's wonderful. it leaves me with a warm feeling.

Answer 6

Thats good =]

Source(s):

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MY HeAD DUH DUH