*~*Rate My Lyrics*~*: ABC rap...need feedback...?

Question

first off, im 22 and white...the rest is history...

aiight....so i wrote these lyrics... and other than the chorus, it is entirely sequenced A-Z. You'll see what I mean. It's still a little rough around the edges, but I think I'm a genius...Got plenty other material, but I thought this was a good concept... need some feedback from people in the real world...I'm about to enter a contest for a record deal so I need to know the truth....


A b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z now I know my ABCs…aint nobody can fux with me…

A.***hole. B***. C***. D***..
everyone f***** go home
Im just kidding
losing my nerve over possibly quitting
reality sucks
try using vicodin with xylocain
youre zapped
Always been crazy don’t ever forget goin half insane
jabberwocky kamikaze
loading my nines
opening pipelines
quickly remember studying television
uplifting vision
watchn xena
young, Zany, and brainy
cant deny
eggs fry
gettin hot
I just kid lots
miss no opportunities
producding questions
repeating sessions
tallying unexpected votes
with xeric young zygotes

Always been cool.
Dissappointin every fool
Genuine hardworking introspective jewel
killin lame motherfuckers
negating old perceptions
quickly revealin suckers
toting undeniable verbal weapons
xanthous yellow zits
accenting bad complexions
dermatology excluded, facing great heights
ive just known
late many nights
out partying
quite readily stoned
these unattainable visions will X your Z-axis

Its easy as ABC
already been chosen.
Im presidential
No need for voting
I know my ABCs
Cuz im all bout chronic
Fast like supersonic


Afghan, bubonic,
crystal, dank, endo,
frankenstein, ganja, hydro,
Indica, jane, kush, leaf, mari****a,
nuggets of purp, quality real skunk, that undisputed value wanna
xerox your zone ask bone
Cleveland definitely equals fire
get higher
I just kno like my next o
puffed quickly reefers sickly
takin unmarked vaccines
we xanax
you zantac
aboard boats chasin dolphins
excuse flipper (dolphin noise)
goin hard I just keep limber
making nice our paper quieting rainforests so
timber!
undefinable voice
was xerxes yelling? (300 clip)
Zealous a**h***
bellowing chill demands “everybody freeze!”
get hurt I jerk knees
loot!
money!
Now!
ordering people quiet!
readily strip to underwear
videotapin
watchin x-rays yoinkin zig-zags
alternating bags
choosing dank
exceedlingly frank
get high
I
just know lies
man no ones possibly quicker running
stunning
taking Usains victory wolfing xanax
youthful zombie accepting bolts crown
dont even frown
greatness hopefully intervenes
just kill like machines
notably our politician quasi republican schwarzenegger
terminator
understands
vote with Xavier you’re zero
already been caught dining eating fat gyros
hero In jerasulem
kinda like moses
noses olfactoring pretty quaint roses
smellin techs
understanding Virginia
wanting x, yellow zoot
already bought coke. describe extacy.
F******* get happy
I just keep learning more
never operate poor
quantaties ready
son take up vigilance: watch x y z
always be concerned d e f
guess how I just killed lyrically
might now offend politically
question relentlessly
see that?
Using visuals with xenobiology
you zoom astrologically beyond cosmologically
doding every fragmented goal hoping I juxtapose kindly
look maybe notice our pattern
quakin round saturn
takin unfathomable views while xylophoning your zoo

get it,? im beatin on these bars,
after traversing the stars
so kids of all ages
can break out them cages
just repeat after me
a b c d
efg
hijk
rolling with another j
lmnop
man look at me
qrstuv
w maybe NOW you
can see
x y and z
Now I know my ABCs
Aint noboby fresh as me

Additional Details

ummm...pretty sure it does rhyme (mostly).... naturally a song requires production, but if it's so easy to do why don't you lemme see what you come up with? i think you need to re-read it and actually try to feel what im saying... every bit of it makes sense, its more than just words...and it does matter that i am 22 and white.... if i were 66 and black would it be the same? no... it wouldnt... mr jay z....

but yeah, i obviously have better stuff when not limited to A-Z over again....

and sub astronomically for astologically at the end...it makes more sense now that i look at it...

damn... :::hater blockerz on::::

Answer 1

Ok...right off the bat, I dunno if you were being serious stating you are 22 yrs old and white. It doesn't matter how old you are or your skin color. Anyone can make music. With that being said....

You did a good job with the alphabet concept BUT as far as that being a rap or whatever, no dice.

I don't want to be negative BUT you will not get a deal with this. There are too many people who are creative that don't have deals. You have to be more than just a "genius." AND not to insult you but, writing this doesn't make you a genius. I have seen this concept before and people actually rhymed their words. I think it might have been Papoose, not sure though.

If you are soley basing your deal on this piece here...no chance. Sorry...need to come better. You're just using words, anyone can open a dictionary and do that.

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Answer 2

I don't like it. I rap way better.

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Answer 3

From one Musician to another, I agree with the last comment, you need to be better than good, I think the Simon Cowells of this world would laugh that off the stage....

Sorry!

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Answer 4

The alphabet concept was cool, but the song aint good. I'm a producer myself and i've worked with several artists, but this song of yours is a big mess. Firstly your song doesnt make ant sense - i cant follow it whatsoever. secondly it looks to me that all you wanted 2 do was to curse, the cursing is so prominent in your song that it seems that's all you were trying to achieve.

Honestly i would not sign you if i owned my own label. it lacks seriousness and creativity. a song needs a theme that is carried thru from start 2 end and it does not have to be difficult to follow. the way you've executed the alphabet concept makes it easy to follow if one was reading it on paper, but while listening to it it's difficult to follow. in conclusion i like the alphabet concept but you need to restart. write songs with a theme, message or story, follow it thru completely. and make sure your lines flow naturally and make sense. and the cursing is unnecessary.

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