Someone please look at this! Is it good or bad?

Question

“NOOO!” I whispered as my head flew up.

I pictured the arms enclosing around my waist, how much it hurt, even to me, and that only meant one thing.

He was a vampire.

My waist hurt, and I knew right then and there that my visions were back.

“Char? Char! Pshtt!” My best friend, Delanie whispered to me, waking me from my reverie. At that moment, a ruler slapped down hard and loud on the desk right beside my arm.

I look up with innocent eyes, and see my teacher, Mrs. Black, glaring down at me.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Do not, under any circumstances, interrupt my classroom another time, Mrs. Char!” She growled.

I shook my head. “I have a name, and I don’t believe its Char. It’s Charisma. Now, I won’t interrupt if you call me by my real name, instead of by my nickname, that reminds me of a chair every time I hear it. Char, Chair. See the similarities?”

Mrs. Black looked bewildered. No one ever talks back to her. Around me, people snickered.

“DETENTION!” She snapped, and then turned to go back to the front of the room.

“For what?” My beautiful voice cried.“I didn’t do anything!”

“Shut up,” Delanie muttered.“You’re going to get a referral!”

“No, please continues, Mrs. Charisma.” Mrs. Black said, in a moody tone.

I sighed, “Never mind.” I whispered the next words. “You would twist them around anyway.”

“Humph!”

I slumped in my seat, annoyed and flustered that I had, yet another detention in the same week. And it was only Monday.

I looked over at Del, and saw that she was studying me with envy in her eyes, and jealousy written on her face. It wasn’t the first time someone envied me, and it wasn’t the first time one of my friends did.

I caught sight of my reflection in the window, and I could never get over how pretty I was. Even though I didn’t worship my reflection as much as others.

My hair was long and blonde, perfectly straight. I had the prettiest eyes; they looked like a snow covered forest. My face was flawless; like porcelain, and it was even the color of porcelain. I was as white as snow, and my beauty only came because I was one thing.

Immortal.

I wasn’t a regular vampire, because my eyes were never gold. They were white. When Evelyn changed me, he sucked too much blood out of me, turning me whiter, stronger, and faster than any other vampire. Therefore the white eyes. But, I didn’t want this life, I didn’t want to be the most beautiful thing in the world. I wanted to be human, tan, and free. I hated this metallic taste in my mouth, and the burn in my throat that I got every time I was near humans. I didn’t want to be strong, or fast, or pale. I wanted to be human.

The last minutes of my life replayed in my head, just like it did every time I saw my reflection.

I was 21, and it was 1860. I lived with my mother, father, and younger sister, Rose, in a small town in Mexico City. Rose, my father, Edmund, and my mother, Aysal, were just sitting down for dinner.

“The dinner looks lovely, mother.” I said in perfect French. We were all born in Florence, Italy. But we were sent down here because my father wanted us to have a more variety of people, and languages.

My mother nodded her head, and said “Thank you dear,” In French.

Suddenly, our quiet little town house became a panic room of violence. The door was knocked down, and someone dashed inside.

I looked quickly towards the anxiety. A breathtakingly beautiful creature stood in the living room, he was the most handsome and gorgeous man I have ever seen. The man was as pale as snow, with deep bruises underneath his topaz eyes. My heart broke into a sprint, and my breath caught in my throat.

The whole room seemed to get quiet and still, and that’s when the panic set in.

“No!” Rose shrieked.“GET AWAY FROM HER!”

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

probably not what you want to hear, but it sounds like a total twilight rip-off. if you're gonna rip off of something, at least rip-off of GOOD LITERATURE, not this twilight vampire fad crap that's going around these days.

the tone even sounds like some bs stephenie meyer would write.

Answer 2

this is the etiquette section...
Edit* It's good! :) but what about a better ending? It left me in suspense.

Answer 3

Sorry, I don't do book reviews.

Answer 4

reminds me of twilight