I'm concerned that my son has a secret girlfriend?

Question

My 17 year old son has been very secretive with me lately, recently he has started to refuse to go to church with the family and tonight when I was going through his room I found a magazine with naked men in it. He obviously has a girlfriend that he is hiding from me that brought that magazine into my home and I am afraid they are having intercourse and I am greatly concerned that he is going to get her pregnant.

What should I do about this?

Additional Details

He is not a homosexual, we have taught him from the bible and he has learned though our church that this is not in God's plan. I will not teach him about condoms, that is unacceptable, we have always taught him about abstinence and that is what God and his future wife expects from him.

I want to speak to our pastor about this but I am very afraid of what he would think we are teaching our son if he things we are allowing him to sneak a girl into his bedroom. That is clearly inappropriate and we are good parents, I am very afraid what he will think of us.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

If your SON had a magazine of naken MEN I am doubting that he has a secret GIRLFRIEND. I'm thinking that your son it probably questioning his sexuality, or has already determined that he is gay.

The best thing to do is be open, honest and truthful. Tell him you were spying on him, and going through his belongings when you came across his hidden magazine. Ask, don't acuse, and if he doesn't want to talk to you about it, respect his wishes. Yelling or preaching to him about how "wrong" homosexuality is is not going to get him to open up to you.

You were wrong for snooping through your 17 year old son's belongings. Did you think you would find his secret girlfriend under his mattress?

EDIT: Let me see if I understand. You will not allow your son to be gay because the bible says it's wrong. You will not talk to your son about condoms because you feel it's wrong? So, your son is supposed to what... sit in his room alone and miserable because he might be feeling or doing something his mother would not condone? I think that being a good mother means listening to your son and accepting him for what he is. Whether he is gay or not is not something you have control over. Neither is his going out and having sex (or safe sex) if that is what he wants to do. Are you going to chain him to his bed so he can't leave? Drop him off at school and pick him up so you know he isn't doing something on the way there or home that YOU disapprove of? Give the kid some breathing room and hope you raised him right. I'm assuming that he will be graduating in May... are you going to forbid him from going to college because he WILL encounter homo-sexuals, bi-sexuals and heterosexuals engaging in safe sex. There will be sex, drugs, drinking, partying, swearing. Loosen the reins a little bit and believe that you reared him well. You're going on about being a "good mother" then believe that you did the best you could. No matter how much you preach your beliefs, opinions and morals he is his own person... not a clone of you. Trust that he is doing the right thing for himself, as you should have taught him to do... and not to listen to what others say about him.

Source(s):

straight, married, woman that believes love between a man and woman is no different than love between a man and man or woman and another woman.

Answer 2

Deny it all you want, Bethany, but he definitely sounds gay to me. And since you have been telling him it is "not in God's plan" I think that explains why he won't go to church. Why go to a church that will not accept him as he sees himself?

Answer 3

Im guessing the magazine belongs to your son and not some mythical girlfriend. Id sit down and have a chat with him about it.

Answer 4

You found a magazine with naked MEN in it and you think he has a girlfriend???? What are you.....high? If your son is in any kind of relationship it is probably with a man not a woman. Stop being in denial. If your son is gay than you should accept it and move on.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that it confuses you or it goes "against what the Bible says"... your son is gay. And apparently he is going to have a lot of problems growing up with parents like you who are more afraid of what a pastor might think of you than being afraid of losing your son and the communication you have (if any) with him...

try to be a bit more open minded and get books on raising a gay son because sure as hell you're going to need them.

Answer 6

um mabee hes gay... no but im serious he might b.
try talking to him. if that doesnt work i know its kind of stooping low but try checking text messages, phone calls, myspace ect.

Answer 7

First of all, personally I agree with you for snooping through your child's room. You need to know what's going on. The fact that he is now secretive, in my book gives you the snooping card!!! You need to know what he is hiding because if he does something that hurts someone else that persons family will be on the news in front of the camera asking "Where where his parents when he was planning all this?" As long as he is living in your house you have a right to SNOOP!!!

Now you said he has a nude men's magazine, you should ask him about it. He will tell you what his sexual preference is.

As parents we try to lay a good foundation for our children. But it is ultimately their decision on what path they take. You raised your son in the church and you taught him right from wrong that is a blessing. But when he goes out into the real world it's on him, just pray that he does take the right path. You did well on your part and that's all that is expected of us as parents.

Stay prayerful!

Answer 8

You really need to pull your pretty little hollow head out your ***. Your son is more than likely gay. You better get used to finding the condoms you refuse to teach him about, but has more than likely learned about in school, and lube next.

Answer 9

Err... Your son could be gay... and if he has a secret girl friend, he is turning 18 soon, you could force him to go to church with you, but this would end badly most likely.

Answer 10

If he has a magazine of naked MEN, he is more than likely experimenting around with males, not females.
You should be accepting of him, and tell him that he can be open and honest with you, and tell him that you won't judge if he has a secret girlfriend OR boyfriend.
If he does have a girlfriend and you're worried that they're having sex, buy him a pack of condoms and tell him about STDs, pregnancy, etc.

Answer 11

What? I think you mistyped or you're confused. If there was a men's magazine in his room...with naked men in it, then he's homosexual. Sounds like he has a secret "boyfriend". BTW the only guys that have secret girlfriends are they one's who have more than one girlfriend.

Answer 12

just because he has a magazine with naked men doesn't mean anything.He's probably just curios.When i was younger i didn't want to go to church, im glad my parents made me

Answer 13

I doubt he even has a girlfriend, but.....this should be done anyway.

Give him condoms and tell him about safe sex and STD's.

Also, he can follow whatever religion he chooses. If he doesn't want to go to church, you cannot force him.

Answer 14

SUPER GAY TO THE RESCUE.... let me take him under my wing, in under a week, no more hiding... and trust, there will be no secret girlfriends to worry about, only "young, professional, goal oriented" guys that he "hangs out" with... no one will be pregnant, also, the bible is just a book... not to knock a religion, but it is what it is...

Sorry if... there are more naked magazines, he STILL doesn't wanna go to church, if he uses condoms (which I'm actually not sorry about) SAFE SEX RULEZ!

Source(s):

www.callsupergay.org.com.edu.net/hyperga…

Answer 15

Maybe he is gay? not that there is anything wrong with being gay.Or maybe he does have a girlfriend but he is 17... you shouldnt be that worried about it, and why would u go through his room....

Answer 16

I think you are confused, boys that age usually have magazines with naked women in them, not men.

Answer 17

first of all you shouldn't be going through his room he will think you don't trust him. Maybe try to pretend you didn't find anything and sit down and talk to him about it. If they are having sex maybe he will talk to you most likely dad though about it and he can be taught to be safe both for pregnancy and stds. IF he is going to have sex he is going to do it no matter what you tell him today

Answer 18

From one homosexual to the mother of another: Your son is gay.

Source(s):

Common sense.

Answer 19

is he checking for tears? ok seriously. theres nothing wrong with sex and condoms. its a very natural instinct that you shouldn't avoid. Are you telling me you had your son through abstinence? besides that. I'm gay. and theres nothing wrong with that. if he's gay, he's gay. if he's not, then he's not. I didn't choose who I fell in love with any more than you did. and if he's having sex. tell him that he should do it safe. OBVIOUSLY your gonna worry about him getting a girl pregnant if he's not allowed to use condoms. and it wouldn't kill you to ask him straight up if he's having sex, or has a girlfriend rather than be some kind of stalky, sneaky, skulker.

Source(s):

Common Sense.

Answer 20

I'm getting deja vu here. I've seen this question before. I highly doubt that your son's 'secret girlfriend' would bring over a magazine of naked men. It's probably his, so you don't have to worry about pregnancy.

Answer 21

Wow! Woman you must be joking! Your son is 17 as you said, not 5, hes not a little boy anymore. He can have a girlfriend if he wants, you are not the one who can decide!
PLUS- you keep mentioning crap about the bible, but o be honest, you cannot force religion upon your son. If you really were such a good christian you would know that, jesus himself said so.

Seriously, just because you found a magazine in his room, doesnt mean anything. And to assume that a magazine with naked men in it, must belong to a girl, means that you are in denial.

You dont need to run to your pastor, because that proves you are running away from the problem. Talk to your sone, if he has a girlfriend the well done to him. But if hes gay, he is still your son.

P.S- if your pastor decides to judge you, then he isnt living his life according to God.

1 Up Corpz

Answer 22

umm i think you are really confused.

Your son is most likely homosexual.. and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Answer 23

men get each other pregnant all the time, dont you watch oprah

Answer 24

He might be hiding a girlfriend because he doesnt feel that you will be okay with it. hes 17 for heavens sake, when you dont have experience like dating then hes obviously going to end up with someone that might be wrong. okay, with all that religious stuff and not teaching about condoms, FORGET about it! hes a teenager, all that "gods" plan stuff can really screw a person up when they get into the real world...people will start to think hes a nutjob with all that religous stuff going on

Answer 25

refusing church is no big deal just take him there no matter what he will eventually find out the real meaning of (your god, becuase i dont knw who u believe in ) remove the magazines from his room and see how he responds

Answer 26

Sorry to say dear, but he is either gay or bi-curious. Just because you taught him from the bible and such does not mean he is automatically set to be straight for life. You need to sit down and talk with him about his sexuality, and if he does come out to you, you're going to have to be understanding of him and still accept him as your son, whether or not you accept homosexuality.