Son's wedding....well what do you think?

Question

We have 3 daughters and our youngest is our only son. To make a long story short, we saved and paid or each daughters wedding & as a gift paid for each of their honey-moons (whatever each wanted). Our family is traditional and love our children and always wanted to give them this....and of course college educations.

So our son told us he wanted to get married...we think great! I must confess after paying on avg $28K per wedding I was looking forward to not having to pay for this one...yet we would make a nice gift.

no such luck..........

James, our son came to us with his bride to be and says her parents refuse to help with the wedding and she always has wanted big fansy wedding. She also has HUGE school loans to repay since her parents paid nothing, our son owes zero.

-So we agreed to pay for his wedding...what the heck!

We gathered all the big plans and the total came to $32,650. We agree to pay.

Then we start planning..........guess who wants to run things...?

Her PARENTS...they wanted to pick out everything, every detail, table clothes, flowers, everything.

We keep our mouth shut until...........


the day of the wedding, her parents were running around behaving like big shots and ordering people around (as if they paid for something) and then at the reception her father came up to my wife and said: You have to try some of the shrimp there great....it won't put to much more weight on you..ha, ha, ha! (he said this in front of at least 20 people)

Okay, mess with my dog okay..YOU MESS with my wife YOUR A$$ is MINE


I said look BOB...HOW in the hell can you ask my wife to try the food when WE OWN all of the FOOD...REMEMBER we paid for everything and you paid....let's see...oh I remember ZERO. YOU bobby are a free loader. Now you will apologize to my wife or I will remove your a$$ from this Hall that I bought and paid for.

He did,BTW her parents live in at least a 400K house and I believe he has a decent job.....just tight wads.

Did I handle this wrong?............What do you think?

this all took place Saturday night...and I'm still hot

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

I'm thinking that there was a bit of alcohol involved by the time you finally blew your stack. The reception was the wrong time to tell the jerk off. I applaud you and your wife for giving your son the same benefits you gave your daughters but I think in this circumstance, with the inlaws acting like hosts, and with the girl wanting a wedding far superior than her own family could afford, you also have every right to send an invoice to the other family. That's right. Itemize the whole wedding costs - except, of course, for your clothing, your private parties, the honeymoon, your son's tux - and make sure everything is clearly marked, especially if their darling daughter's signature is on the contracts approving things - then just attach a very POLITE letter, saying: Dear Bob and Mary, Now that the celebrations are all behind us, I know you'll want a final accounting of the expenses. Thanks for sharing the duties Saturday night! Everyone was pleased to see that both families were handling the event and you were a great co-host. We have paid all the invoices to facilitate a smooth function and, if you check the figures, you will see that we have not included any personal costs. The total comes to $$$$ and, of course, you can be assured that we would never have considered any expense without your daughter's prior approval on your behalf. Your half of the total is $$$ and you can send a cheque whenever convenient. If you need some time, please don't feel under pressure. We took out a bank loan and it doesn't need to be repaid in full for 90 days so anytime before then is fine with us. Sincerely, And, btw, having a 400k house - even if you paid only 150k does mean something. It means you have equity and you should be teaching your children that their wedding should reflect their family's status - not some celebrity's!! If your daughter wants a fancy wedding and you brought her up that way, then YOU get the bank loan and deal with it. you don't let the other family cover the costs and then act like you're the benevolent benefactor.

Source(s):

Have dealt with too many a$$holes in my life to have any patience left with any of them!

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

well said...thanks

Answer 2

Heck no! 30K is a crap load to spend on a wedding and have 2 people act like they paid for it! I'd be pissed off to! Just make sure theres no discrepancies between him and your son now...

Answer 3

You are not out of line! I am totally pissed just reading that. What a bunch of assholes!

Answer 4

no you didnt handle it wrong. you honestly had every right to do that and i dont blame you one bit. very sweet of u to stand up for your wife also. just remember tho, its all over and try to calm down cuz its pointless to stress over the past. you sound like a great father and husband and congrats on your sons wedding! much luck to u and the family!!

Answer 5

Well, I think you overreacted. You did the right thing and paid for the wedding. That was nice, for your son's sake. God knows he would have wouldn't have had that nice of a wedding if you didn't step up. So, remember what you did for your son! It was a very nice gesture.

But, you overreacted with Bob. Yes, he was acting like owned the place, even though he didn't pay a dime. I would have let him continued bragging. I'm sure the truth would have came out eventually and BOB would have looked like a total cheap-sake! His comment was down right rude and TRUST me....all of those people knew that and thought Bob was a jerk. I can bet on that!

As for what to do, just lay low from her parents and let it go. If anything, they are the ones that should be embarrassed. You took all the time, energy and money to pay for the wedding. They made themselves look like total jerks and fools. People can spot a fool from miles away. So, their own actions have already punished them enough.

But, was yelling at your son's new father-in-law wise for your son's sake? Probably not! But, what's done is done. I'm glad you paid for your son's wedding though, that was a very nice gesture.

Be the bigger family and show some class!!! Don't go down to Bob's level.

EDIT: Just because you own a 400K house, doesn't not make you rich. My parent's home is worth 350K, but they bought it for 150K over 13 years ago. They put a lot of hard work in that house and bought in an area that later on became a very desirable area, which was the reason for the spike in home value. Just because you home is worth 400K, doesn't mean you are paying a 400K mortgage. They could have bought that home for dirt cheap year and years ago and now just have a lot of equity in it.

Equity in your home does not make you rich. So, don't assume they are rich. Making a comment about Bob's money is no different than what Bob did to your wife. It's just rude and really sinking to a low level. Like I said, don't sink to Bob's level.

Answer 6

You were so in the right. I'm so sorry you had to deal with those jerks!!! I hope your son's wife fell far from the tree!

Answer 7

NO.. I would have stepped in a long time before then!!! I can't believe they own such a nice home and wouldn't pay for their daughters wedding... GOOD FOR YOU FOR STANDING UP FOR YOUR WIFE!!!

Answer 8

I have to say, you handled this much better than I would have. It is very generous of you to have paid for your children's weddings and it seems like your daughter in laws father seemed to forget that you also paid for the wedding HIS daughter always dreamed of. Not only do I think you were in the right for standing up for your wife, but I think that it would have been understandable if you had gotten even more angry with him and told him off a lot more than you did. I don't blame you one bit! I would have added that he was being a complete jackass and that I thought instead of insulting your wife, maybe he should be thanking her! Sounds like they are a couple of tight wads. I know that in that situation, its hard to see if you did the right thing simply because a wedding is a place to be on your "best behavior", however that saying goes "eye for an eye". I think you handled yourself fine and I also think you have every right to still be angry. I know I would be! Congrats, BTW.

Answer 9

I agree with you, but doing this at the wedding was not a good call, I wouldn't have put up with it before that, but this might have made less of a scene, since he did apologize.

Answer 10

I think you handled it right. I do think that in the interest of the families getting along, maybe a conversation between you and he should take place at a later date when everyone has cooled down and clear the air. I think I would tell him your side of it and explain to him that although it was their responsibility to pay for their daughter's wedding, that you did it because you love your son and wanted him to have as special a day as your daughters did and you did not appreciate their behavior at the wedding. Maybe if you approach him in this way, they will see the mistakes they made and everyone can get a fresh start. I'm afraid that if this isn't handled, later there will be problems between the families. Hope this helps! Congrats on your son's wedding!

Answer 11

Are you crazy? A lot of other people would of behaved a lot more rudely to these parents than you have. They were way out of line and I think you could of gotten away with being way more inhospitable than that.

Answer 12

you, sir, are fine. i understand your frustrations, and can totally agree w/ you. i know as hard as it sounds, you should just let it go. you do not need words, you seen it w/ your own eyes. these are going to be the In-Laws from hell. i wouldn't trust them for much, and keep your times spent together, short and brief. that was mighty nice of you, and it must feel good to make good money to have it to spend. just know that you conduct yourselves better than that, and just be glad that you aren't like that.

Answer 13

It was good of you to support all your children equally in their weddings. But roles of host and guest should have been spelled out clearly ahead of time, if the brides father was going to be an @ss about it... I would have grinned and raised my glass to the blowhard, assured him I would be sure to let the caterer know to send him the bill. Watch him choke and bluster in front of the guests.
Some day he will be the other grandpa. So draw your line now and stick to it... hopefully now you two have had this out the young couple can enjoy their new life without much ongoing tension. Where is the new couples house, in relation to yours and the in-laws? Be the bigger person now, be cool and considerate, to build new adult-to-adult relationships with them. Your son is a married man, may be a father in a year or two... take the long view here.

Answer 14

Your kids sound spoiled.
What's done is done. Let it go

Answer 15

nowadays it is the responsibility for the bride and groom to pay for their own wedding. her parents are not under any obligation to pay, as well as you and certainly not obliged to pay. your son and his fiance will have to work overtime and save their money to pay for their own wedding.

Answer 16

I'm sure you gave him a good enough burn at the time. That might come back to haunt you some day, though. Although I must say, her parents sound like some pretty arrogant, mannerless people. It's okay to overreact in your situation. I would have been pretty angry as well. Although next time, I suggest you speak up when something like that happens, instead of holding it in and kind of..snapping at once.

Answer 17

Your sentiments are right on. Your delivery might have been a bit much.

I can't believe that nobody talked to these boors in the months leading up to the wedding to see if they would actually step up and do their part. Especially once they started tossing their opinions around.

I applaud you for handling your son's wedding as you did your daughters'. I applaud you even more for sticking up for your wife.

I'm sorry your son married into such a family. I hope HIS wife is a better catch than her parents.

Answer 18

as long as you did it without other people noticing. good on you!

your son did a lousy job of picking a mate from a nice family. they arent nice and have no class at all.

frankly i think you made all this up.

Answer 19

You did the completely wrong thing. You should have punched him and dragged his *** out of the celebration then gone back in and got his wife.

Answer 20

In one of your other posts, you said your kids, a boy and a girl were going out trick or treating on Halloween.
I do believe you are a TROLL

Answer 21

Wow! Well good for you for standing up for your wife! That was a highly inappropriate comment for him to make, ESPECIALLY since you and your wife had paid for everything and they hadn't chipped in a penny. Wow...

Answer 22

No, you were absolutely not in the wrong. I would be SO mad if someone tried to act like they owned something that I spent my hard-earned money paying for. Btw, if I was the bride and my parents were not paying for anything I don't think I would allow my fiance's parents to spend that much in the first place! What you did was the right thing. Just try to resolve the issue-- you don't want to hate your son's in-laws forever!

Answer 23

Too right, it may be that they have other debts and reasons for not spending money on the wedding but they should be thankful and not rude and obnoxious. You have every right to expect an apology but from the sounds of it you probably wouldn't get it anyway. Just try and be glad that your son is happy and had a great day thanks to the support of his good parents!

Source(s):

p.s I hope the rant helped!