Why is BDSM in the mainstream media only shown as women being Dom to men?

Question

With very few exceptions, BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) is only Woman/man in the mainstream media instead of Man/woman. Why?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

I don’t know why the difference, I find pictures of women holding a whip absolutely repulsive and I can think of many much more enjoyable things I would like to do with a woman.

I see previous answers have trotted out the great defence of BDSM, ‘people who don’t like it don’t understand’, are 'immature' and even 'unenlightened'. What arrogance!

I don’t like Paedophilia, is there something I am missing there too?

Just because people find BDSM repulsive, it doesn’t follow that they don’t understand. It’s perfectly valid to hold the opinion that someone who gets turned on by violent sex has got something wrong in their head.

The United Nations World Health Organisation categorises sexual sadism and sexual masochism as mental health and behavioural disorder in the international classification of diseases handbook (ICD10). Are they Immature and unenlightened too?

The whole thing boils down to the fact that some sad sacks who get turned on by abusing, humiliating and brutalising women have invented this mystical fabrication called BDSM which excuses the brutality in their eyes, and sadly in the eyes of some women.

If it wasn’t for a few people believing this nonsense, men who abuse to turn themselves on would be known by their true name

The accused.

Edit

Starlight

It’s worse than that.

I do understand.

Why do I understand? Because I did find the person to inspire me. The one. And I know they felt the same way too but a friend introduced them to sadists and guess what? They ended up in an abusive relationship some sick sad sack who gets turned on humiliating abusing and brutalising women.

And before you jump to a conclusion, no they had no ‘Longing’ before sadism poisoned their mind. Quite the opposite In fact, we found it odd and slightly amusing when the subject of sadism came up. Long story short they got chatting to sadists, ironically when I raised concerns I was told that they felt 'safe', I was dumped, and the person I knew no longer existed. Why do you think this is?

My opinion is that sadism acts exactly like a cult, and recruited someone who had no interest in it, to make them the plaything of abusers. A piece of meat to be used and past on. Don’t you ever wonder why abusive relationships within sadism rarely last?

Yes sadism has lasted for centuries; it is named after the Marquis de Sade who first documented his warped desires. Someone I might add who spent most of his adult life in mental institutions and prison because his preferences where so offensive, as have many sadists throughout history.

So you see, its not a case of ‘not understanding’ (again) I understand perfectly what sadists are about. I have read all the dogma and all the excuses, however I use scepticism and I find it full of contradictions and deliberate deceit like all cults.

That’s why I come here and give my opinion, every one is allowed to hold an opinion arn't they?

Except by cults that is.

Source(s):

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar…

Answer 2

I think its because the typical role (or non fetish) is when the male is dominant

Answer 3

Because if they see a man whipping/hurting a woman he's may be labelled a "wife beater" by people who may not understand.

Answer 4

Because women's groups HATE that many women enjoy submissive sexuality. It interfere's with their political agenda and they make a big stink about it.

Answer 5

It's more palatable. Seeing a man dominate a woman is more uncomfortable for people to watch because it can be so close to the real abuse that women are far more likely than men to endure. A lot of people don't understand that it can be a choice, so they see it as abuse.

Answer 6

Excellent question and excellent answers.

I'd say the media is just playing it safe. The possibility that a dominant male might be that way *against the woman's will* is going to get them a lot more angry phone calls than the other way around.

They just want to avoid dealing with the people who will freak out at any sexual activity which could be miscontrued as rape.

The funny thing is that, in my experience, most women *really* prefer a dominant male (maybe not proper bondage though). As in, NO CONTEST. As in women wanting to be dominated is the norm, and men wanting it is the exception.

Answer 7

I would imagine that the purchaser of BDSM are men, requesting the services of women. Also, it is a male-oriented fantasy. Women already are treated like lower-class citizens, so why would they want to be subjugated again,. especially if $$$ is involved. So, for women, the fantasy would be to be in-charge.

Answer 8

Clearly you haven't gotten in to it very much. There's only a hand full of F/M groups compared to the hundreds of M/F groups. The F/M groups get more attention. I think it's because M/F is considered something somewhat average where as F/M is more fetish so it can be in it's own category.

Answer 9

I think it's because BDSM is still misunderstood by a lot of people. The sexual side has become more accepted, but those who take part in it as a lifestyle rather than a kink are often shown in a bad light. Partly that's because there are people within the community who use it as an excuse to hurt others, which reflects badly on everyone else. The majority of D/s couples are Male Dom/female sub, yet in the media these relationships are nearly always portrayed as abusive. It's still politically incorrect to suggest that some women may enjoy being submissive, rather than it just being caused by low self-esteem. Some feminist organisations see it as degrading to women and encouraging violence, but I think it just shows that women's fantasies are still being censored in favour of men's. Many Dommes aren't happy with their representation either; female Dominance is shown as a sexual kink only, there to cater to the fantasies of men. The media seems reluctant to explore the real life complexities of BDSM relationships, and so only adds to the stereotype. Hopefully that will change in the future!

Answer 10

Because any depiction of women as subs would bring out the fanatical feminists claiming that BD/SM was promoting violence against women. Apparently, violence against men is okay. Acutally the BDSM lifestyle isn't violence against anyone, but vanilla types don't get that.

Answer 11

I think so as to appease the rather immature and unenlightened men out there that might do that to a woman they just came across. Its just more dodgy, as rape is such a prolific thing in our society and D/s might encourage these notions further..Having said that i am a submissive female!

Neil, I think you deliberately misinterpreted my answer. If male dom fem sub was promoted in mainstream media, it might have potent affect on the minds of teenage boys who can be and are rather immature and would treat women in a degrading fashion. You do not actually understand the lifestyle, nor the plethora of its varieties. I myself would not be into being beaten or anything and thats not even what its about. The Fem dom, male sub is predominantly sexual but the inverse often resembles a traditional relationship, takeninhand that has been advocated for centuries. I'm not going to start insulting you however. You simply do not understand it and have not found a person to inspire you with an intense passion that causes you to cease your own personhood if even for a moment.

Answer 12

Because it isn't politically correct to show a woman being dominated by a man and enjoying it.

Answer 13

Same reason you see men kicked in the balls but never women having their nipples twisted, the fems would start zhe suing.

Answer 14

I have seen more videos of male dominance(Men torturing women). Also I hate to see the opposite because there is nothing to watch. (I am talking about sexual bondage/BDSM videos.)

ANSWER: The reason should be the same as more women in porn movies than men. Because men spend lots of money for porn, therefore the industry normally target men. -> Men like to see Men dominating women.

On the other hand women dominance is unrealistic even though these videos are made by using actors.

It is kind of a SICK desire to watch these videos. (I can't resist it completely. Sometimes I like to watch them. But after watching them I feel sad about myself for watching them. The truth must be that we feel happy to watch women get tied and tortured. ). Also I have read that people who love bondage has sick mentality. Also I have heard that couples do organized bandage activities with pleasure. It is ok because both parties are enjoying it, but ...? I think there is something wrong.

Answer 15

It seems to me that men doms are much crueler or more sadistic. Women are much sexier and flirty and teasing.