Why does the bride have to take care of everything for the wedding?

Question

About 2 months to go and my list of things to do is much longer than his list of things to do. He continually wants to be involved when I give him a task...it's not done. He was to book the Honeymoon, not done yet. He's making the CD favors..not done yet. He fought me for a wedding night in a hotel alone, but he hasn't booked anything (the wedding is on an island I wanted to party in a vip room after the reception til the sun came up, hence no real wedding night). Anyway, How can I motivate him to do what he needs to do? All he does is come home and play xbox360. Don't get me wrong I'm a big gamer myself I love the xbox and my games but I know when it's time to put the pretty pink controller down and get to wedding work. Any advice on getting him to help me? Are all grooms procrastinators (lazy) like this?

Additional Details

I must make this clear:
I wanted to elope in hawaii on the beach for $300 but my fiancee is the ONE who wanted a BIG WEDDING, not me! That's why it makes no sense that he wouldn't help. My mom has done most of it and he complains that it's all her wedding and not mine. I keep trying to tell him that he didn't want my wedding in Hawaii, he wanted this big mess. I'm just not a typical 'bride'. I've been dreaming of Hawaii.
Big Mike you should tell my fiancee that it's been a waste of money and that he should have listened to me cause then we would have money for a house...but noooooo...he wanted the wedding.

Sorry I mean Big Stan.

Jennafer I wish you were my maid of Honor. I removed all bridesmaids and Groomsmen (yet another part of the wedding HE wanted) My girls are dead beats and they haven't called me or hung out with me in 6 months. I call them but they are too busy getting abused by their boyfriends or being played by some by.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Guys= lazy
No some times you have to push a little and sometimes you have to hide the power cord. I have had to do that a few times to my groom and he to me once. We both are gamers too. Here's the best thing to do sit down one night with him and say "hey we need to get the wedding stuff done. how about this you give me two days a week to do nothing but wedding stuff and i will stay off your back the rest of the week. And closer to the wedding add another day . When all the wedding things are off your list then play games till you puke on the rug . ) If that don't work hide the da*n power cord . Also tell him that if you end up doing it all he can not complain about anything.

Answer 2

I've found that my fiance is much more motivated to work on wedding stuff if we're doing it together. When he comes home, tell him you're going to be working on wedding stuff (guest list, menu ideas, whatever) and you'd like him to look into booking the honeymoon. It's much harder for him to decline when you're sitting there working on stuff. And don't let him start playing video games. Tell him you both can play together after you get some wedding stuff done first.

Answer 3

No they just do not care about the same stuff the bride's do...that's that simple...they see only the fact that they are getting married...they do not understand you why are you stressing out about stupid things he doesn't care about and on the top of everything is just another day for them....maybe they can't understand why are you so focus on one day if they think about the days after wedding that called MARRIAGE :-)

Answer 4

because hes a boy just a boy that gets to drive cars try telling him if u dnt help u want be getting none bt say it while ur naked or in lingeree he will help

Answer 5

She doesn't, seems to be the man you chose! At least it shows his character, so you know exactly what you are getting into.
If you want something done, do it yourself.

Answer 6

Drop the BIG wedding... Do it your way!

Answer 7

OMG i feel like you just told our story!!! our wedding planning is just like that! im a big gamer too...but i know when to put the controller down! lol and he was supposed to book the rentals... did he? No...

So guess who did ME! lol i dont think they are lazy...i just think all the fancy stuff isnt as important to them. hes playing on his 360 at this moment (call of duty 4) while i answer questions and email our wedding contacts. *sigh*

Source(s):

B2B May 3rd 2008

Answer 8

The bride doesn't have to take care of everything. I didn't, but that's because my husband isn't addicted to video games. He did as much, if not more, as I did. He also kept me focused and encouraged so I wouldn't be stressed.

You need to sit down with him and explain that you know wedding planning is boring, but it needs to be done and if he doesn't do his part now the wedding will turn out a mess. If he still isn't compelled to work then hide the xbox until he finishes his work. I have a feeling that this won't be the first time you'll have to hide it...

Answer 9

my husbands only job was to pick the wedding song. he is a huge gamer, but he actually spent nights online looking for the perfect song. it was cute. other then that, guys are just like that. they put things off. your best bet would be to do things together so that your both out or sitting down doing it rather then leaving him a bunch of things to do on his own where he can be distracted by other things.

Answer 10

Mine was. To be honest it was easier to do all "his" responsibilites myself then try to get him to do it.
You need to sit down and have a talk with him. Either that or throw the XBox out the window. LOL.

Answer 11

My dear, I feel your pain. Your boyfriend is addicted to xbox. He puts his relationship with xbox ahead of his responsibilities. You tell him that he is not to touch the xbox until he has fulfilled his responsibilities. And, then only one half hour per night. Remember, work before play, NOT play xbox before work. Tell your little boyfriend to grow up and be a man, and do his manly chores, or there won't be a wedding.

Answer 12

It's so funny you asked this question. I was just dealing with that this morning. I'm doing pretty much everything & it's getting done. He, on the other hand, says he wants to do something & I never hear about it again. Mine is still 5 months away but there are things that need to be figured out NOW, like buying a suit vs. renting a tux, that I can't get an answer on & I need all the guys to go for fittings, etc.

So, over coffee this morning, I just told him that today I am making a calendar, a to do list, and a list of what needs to be decided right away, and that I'll be going over it with him this evening. That way, I'm not really complaining, I'm just letting him know how much he actually has hanging that he's not dealing with. I'm going to ask him what he feels is a reasonable deadline for each thing & put it on the calendar. That way I can call him on it since he's the one that chose his own deadline.

Answer 13

The problem is that he just doesn't care about these things as much as you do. Either you're going to have to nag him to do it all of the time until it's done, or just do it yourself.

I opted to do it myself, because I am a control freak anyway. It worked out well for us. He actually stepped up at the end, because he saw how busy I was.

I'm sure you do (or will have) a similar situation with housecleaning.

I also agree with the poster below me. If I delegated a task to my fiance (now husband), it wouldn't get done, but if we didn't something together it would get done and we were both happy. It may have been a confidence thing...maybe he didn't feel he could do something to my liking.

Answer 14

Most men do not enjoy weddings. It is not that they do not love the bride to be, it is that weddings are stressful and guys like to avoid stress. Weddings are stressful for women too (especially the planning) but the wedding itself is a much bigger deal to the bride than it is to the groom. Most grooms would be happy just to elope and not make such a big deal over it. The wedding night alone with the bride IS important to the groom because he just wants to be alone with his new wife (if you know what I'm sayin' ;)

So, I would say, yes, most grooms procrastinate when it comes to helping prepare for weddings.

Answer 15

well when you put that pretty pink controller down tell him he has to do the same and work together..

he may not want to do it completely by him self...

take an hour a night (or something) and work togehter.. you do your things and he does his...

Answer 16

because they know more about weddings and th mean don't fill like men so they don't do things like that.but you can back them when they get the bill

Answer 17

Ask him if he is still interested in booking the Honeymoon and making the favors. If he says he still is, give him an exact deadline, like one week from now. If he doesn't do it by then you should complete those tasks yourself and ask him what else he can help with. Hopefully by then he will feel more obligated to help and you won't have to repeat the process. Just keep reminding him and even nag him... my fiance is a procrastinator too but it has been possible to get him focused on other things after lots of trying. Good luck!

Answer 18

Take his xbox and hid it and talk to him about how you are so stressed out that you need him to do the stuff he has to get done. And as for your heading on your question I think your answer answered that.

Answer 19

Honestly, men don't care about weddings, in general, they are a waste of time and money. The focus should be on a good marriage and not a huge wedding. So, we don't care enough to put time in...this is not to say we don't care about our women, just not the wedding. To us, the money could be better spent on bills, or a house or whatever, just not some wedding. Guys talk about this all the time and most guys i talk to say the same thing...for example, i have a friend who's fiancee's mother offered them 20,000 to either put on a wedding or a house....she chose a wedding over a house and he is furious, and rightly so, this is ridiculous. It just shows the difference in how men and women think. so this is why you husband isn't motivated, he just wants to get it over with and start living.

Answer 20

YES! They really are! Every time I mention our wedding to my fiance he tells me it's my responsibility. It irks me too. He has been married before and I have never been married, and, yes, I want a wedding. So now it's all up to me.

Answer 21

guys are lazy, and if he really wanted to help you out, he would have.
you should just sit down and talk to him, about how its not getting done, so you're goin to take over.
if he still insists on helping, make him have a deadline and tell him if he doesnt meet the deadline, then your definitly taking over.

Answer 22

I know how you feel. And no you do not have to do everything. My suggestion is to ask your maid of honor to help out, technically that is what she is there for. I am in a wedding as the maid of honor and I have been busting my butt to help my best friend while her fiance' is doing nothing. So just ask her to help more and you will see such a difference with your list of things to do. good luck

Answer 23

Mine is, he doesn't seem to realize how fast vendors book. His attitude is more of "let me know when to show up". While I've been dreaming of this day since I was 5. Thank God for my Mother who is really handling so much for me. Do you have friends or family you can assign tasks to?