What should I do now? How could I (Gemni)get him (Virgo)to contact me or meet up again?

Question

I am Gemini lady. I met a Virgo man online and we emailed each other a few times and have chatted a few times before we met in person. During this period, he was overall taking his initiative in contacting me and asking me out to meet up.
We met up for dinner and it was a very pleasant evening. The third day after our first meeting up, he invited me to join him to his good friend’s party. There and then he introduced me to his close gang of friends. It turned out to be still very good. The following days we sms each other. Weekend, he sms me asked for meeting up but I couldn’t make it because I had to work. The second week, we decided to go for a movie and it was good too. The third week we went for another movie, and while waiting for the movie, he bought me a small piglet gift when he knew I was born in the year of pig. All these meetings, we had very pleasant chat about different topics, culture, traveling, history, politics, and even each other’s families. He even told me about his brother’s sad story of having some incurable disease.
During these few weeks, from our meetings, and chats, I built up my respect and trust at him. He is a humble guy, very hard working, successful, knowledgeable, caring, and has a big kid heart. He was very loyal and good to his friends and very responsible towards his clients. I had very good impression on him overall. During these weeks, he would send me sms telling me about his activities and checking how I was doing.
But the third weekend, he sms me on Friday yet I was at work and couldn’t reply. By the time I found out, it was about 11pm . And that evening actually I had a difficult case, a lady died from some heart problem with still a 4 month babe, we couldn’t save her, and I had my tears all the way home after I walked out of hospital building at 10pm. So when I was home and found his sms, I was touched. So I emailed him that what happened to my evening work and shared with him my sadness about this event. Then I mentioned that he was a very nice person and my impression about him.

That Satuday he didn’t sms me. Sunday I received email from him, saying that he felt I was too early and too much emotionally evolved regarding his personality, he said he enjoyed very much going out with me, he liked me “kind, humble, well educated and pretty” but he felt we should slow down and cool down, and if to meet up should still just be friend. I was shocked by his reply, because I didn’t feel I was trying to impress him or trying to tell him that I loved him. I wrote that email simply out of my mind there and then to a good friend. But I still replied him that I thanked for his reminder and I also agreed that we should still meet as friend, and not into anything in rush.

Then he replied saying that he had his bad experience and also experience from his friend that some girls would refuse to let go after break up, and did something very aggressive, he hoped I would not be like that. He said he didn’t want to hurt me any more. I was even more shocked but thinking maybe he was hurt and scared by those experiences. I was wondering when he hurt me. I was even more shocked but thinking maybe he was hurt and scared by those experiences. I replied that I felt sorry for the bad experience he and his friend had, and I also hold that any feelings should not be pushed or forced. Then he replied that, we still could meet up for a coffee, or some food one of these days.

I have never encountered a situation like that before. I felt we should meet up and clear the misunderstanding. So I replied I agreed and suggest if he would be convenient to meet up the following week. But he never replied.

I felt it was getting more and more serious and I tried to send him sms about once a week and he still replied politely. After one week, I tried to invite him to join me to a book affair, he didn’t reply to my email. And after two days I sent him sms some simple greetings. He replied, said he had been busy and he was going to Japan for 10 days. I just replied politely.

We didn’t contact during that 10 days. Till he came back from Japan , I was online, and he came online, he didn’t greet me, I said hello to him, then we started chat a bit about his Japan trip. But no more than that. That week we only chatted on msn twice and each time I was the one to start the chat. And 5 days later he told me he was going to Laos alone for another 5 days for holiday. He would be back on Christmas only. So there was another 5 days, during his Laos traveling, we chatted once or twice on msn when he came on net and he was excited to tell me things about Laos . He sent me Christmas greeting message by phone. That evening, I went for my holiday with my female friend for 5 days. I told him about that too.

And when I came back from holiday we chatted once pleasantly on msn. He asked how my trip was. The following day, the last day of 2007. I forwarded to him a phone message joke from a friend, “I am sorry our relationship is going to end soon, and I will never come back to your life any more even if you wanted. Yours faithful, 2007.” He responded “ I feel very sorry too, because you showed your emotions early in our beginning of friendship, that is why I stopped seeing you. Have very good New year 2008”. I was shocked, so I replied an email to him. I said I didn’t know he would be so sensitive and serious. Then I said I although I had good impressions about him from the meetings, but it would not be enough for me to come to a conclusion about a person. I said I respected him very much and still thought he was a good person. I said I would not disturb him any more if he didn’t like.

Then he replied briefly said, he couldn’t enjoy the fun in that message. He said, he didn’t like the behavior and style. I sent back an email telling him that I felt sorry about my few emails to him. I said I had been trying to distant myself from my feelings about him. I said he had been on my mind often and I for the first time felt it was something quite new to me. (it was true that I have never felt so much about a person like him before). I said I had been behave in a way I myself also felt strange and a bit uneasy too. And I felt my emails might have disturbed him and troubled him which I would never wanted in a way. So I have decided to cool down and get back to my own self and find out what is happening to me and what I really wanted. Then I said I wished him to take good care of himself, not working too hard, taking good of his stomach( I noticed he was quite particular about food but he still missed his meal here and there), and safe driving ( I felt he was a bit careless when he was driving sometimes). And wished him a happy new year ahead.
After two days in New year day 2, he replied me with an email as following:
Thank you very much for your E-mails and also for your honest replies.
I feel a bit guilt, that I was very reserved to you during the last weeks and reacted in case of your sms on Sunday quiet harsh and even unfair. This made me sad, because I find that you are a very kind and charming person, who I enjoyed meeting, but who tries to push me into her life without understanding that I withdraw more and more with each attempt.
Sorry, I did not know anymore, how to prevent you from sending me many, extremely long E-mails, which were so well written in perfect English but just telling me “funny" stories about our innocent friendship and praising and making me compliments so many times. Never ever in my life, somebody said so often without any reason “sorry” and “excuse” to me. This let me feel very uneasy and scared me off. After your last E-mail, I feel much better, because now, your behavior and writing is not as contradicting anymore and I don't feel like somebody wants to trapp me in.
I didn’t want to reply, I was almost in tears when I read it, I felt we actually both were understanding to each other, both very kind person, but it has been so difficult to get both connected like this, and this was so precious, I was happier than sad, I was sad because I felt pain when I read that he had been sad… I didn’t want him to be unhappy and troubled. I didn’t reply because I felt I could only say, “thank you for your reply and understanding, I understand. “But I didn’t think that would be a proper email, so the following day I replied something like this--
Sorry I was not able to reply your email yesterday as I was getting my punishment --needed to prepare presentation for today's class, and I couldn't get the PDF995 working...anyway, from now on, my passion for writing about daily life, little things, people, and places will be mostly shifted to boring essay, report and paper writings...in order to survive, I am thinking of picking up drawing cartoons...
Thank you very much for your email and sharing. I guess I can understand...I have been feeling bad about myself these days. As for the Sunday sms, it was a fun and joking sms, but it was not appropriate to be sent to you, I should have expected the misunderstanding, and to top it off, I commented you were oversensitive...Is there anyway I can take back those words? Too late? I have been thinking about a best way to punish myself, such as eat four meals a day instead of 3 meals, no smile at all for one day...not easy to find one..what could you suggest?
He didn’t reply. After few days, I tried to start chat as if nothing happened before. And we had a few times very pleasant chat last week about religion, culture, history and jokes. It was very nice feelings. Saturday evening on the chat he even told me he was checking houses whole day with property agent, he wanted to buy a house. All went quite happily, but evening, I sent him an sms asked if he was free to meet up for a drink. He said he was on his way with friends to a party.
The following day I saw the party picture on his friend’s party where he brought a girl as partner to the party. It was almost the same group of friends he brought me to the party before. I felt a bit sad but I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t disturb him any more since he has been seeing new girl.
I felt I have done a few things wrong in this relationship. The first one maybe was the sad email from the event from work. The second thing was the subsequent 3 long emails I sent to him in different weeks telling something not so related. I was trying to put that we were still friends… but it became something troubled him and pressure to him from me. The third thing was the New year forwarded message cause misunderstanding further, but that was supposed to have been resolved or buffered a bit after his honest email in new year. The fourth one was my reply to him trying to cheer him up yet actually maybe make him misunderstood as I was not so care about his feelings. The last one was my Saturday message asked if he would like to meet up. Each time after I regretted and I wanted to show I was not somebody he even myself didn’t like but ended up it reflected worse and more his misunderstanding about myself…
In my mind I wish we could continue to meet up as friend, so we could have chance to get to understand each other better, by then if nothing works out I would be more acceptable for giving up. But no matter what he is a good friend to have, and to me it is not necessary to be into a relationship, so long if it is good normal friendship it should be much better than the situation now. That is why I have been unable to settle my mind to peace. One minute I feel I should just let go, and stop contacting him, wait till he contacts me if not just let it be, just wish him the best. Another minute I was thinking if I really care about him, even just be friends on chat, on msn, at least when he response even out of politeness at least I know he has been doing fine, maybe that is the best way to care about him, knowing he is doing fine, and that is something I care about him most, I want to know he is safe and happy. And I wish to stay in his life, even just as a friend. And sometimes I also wish that maybe one day he would feel better and want to meet up again if I just stay as a simple friend. But I feel the air between us still not so clear, to me I feel if we meet up now, I would feel still quite easy and I believe it could still be pleasant. But I feel he is the one worries and feel uneasy… I am not sure he really doesn’t want to even be friends, or he has decided there is no way he wants our relationship to become any boyfriend or girl friend.
I don’t know what I should do now… and because of this I can’t settle myself down to focus on my study too that makes me very stressful on the other hand.
What would you suggest or advice I should do now? Should I stop getting online when he is there, or should I just force myself to forget about him totally and let go? Should I just keep chatting to him even if he is not the one initiating the chat? Or I shall just continue online but don’t initiate any chat on my part? And if he never, I will just let it be? Or should I write a email ask what he thinks about us? Or?...
I have never been so desperate in my life before. I think I love him, but I understand we are not necessary to be that relationship. I want either a simple friendship but just not the situation now.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

grace the guy is not that into you so give it a break. now you are freaking me out. he is probably scare to talk to you because you are so much in love with him. give the guy some space he does not want to talk to you than leave him alone

Answer 2

go back over your question and re read the emails he sent you. Its pretty obvious to me that he isnt into a realtionship with you. And because he is freaked out by your persistance then he probably doesnt want you to be friends either...I say let it go.