Ok my kids are all out of control ! i try my hardest to dicipline them accordingly , time outs privlages taken

Question

but they dont seem to care , i am a single mother of 3 ages 4 5 and 7 and they run all over me , i never just let them get away with it ! so i really dont know what to do ! i am really at wits end at the point of a breakdown , they just dont listen like i'm not talking , then when i raise my voice they say , why do you always have to yell ! they refuse to pick up toys i have gone as far as taking ALL toys away for about a week they earn them back and return to the behavior! they all whine and cry all the time ! help please

Additional Details

i would like to make a few things more clear , their father is NOT an option ! and physical punishment is not as well , not that i am against it , but when their father was around he took overstepped the line when it came to that !

i dont yell initally , if i ask them all nicely , ok , its time to pick up the toys now , or whatever task even stop playing and finish your homework (which i sit with each to do ) my requests are ignored, thus i yell!

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

2 more years to go and they will all be in school full time yippie! haha i remember those days.

I am really not big on labeling and calling everything a disorder but it MAYYY be adhd and.or bipolar. It wouldnt hurt to get them checked out.

My friends son was really out of control alot of times because he didnt know how to control his emotions.

try cutting all red dye out of their diets my friend did that with her son and she said the change in his behavior was unbelieveable.

I do understand where u are coming from I have a 7 year old a 6 year old and a 5 year old. They can be really hyper and high energetic and u feel like locking urself in the bathroom while all hell breaks lose outside. LOL

All I can say is keep doing what ur doing stick to your guns and dont even not even ONE time let something slide or let it go easy.

U need to get a break at least once a week go out and do something by urself have someone watch them for a few hours while u go do something u enjoy. If u cant afford it maybe ask a friend who has kids to watch them and youd watch hers in return later on. Thats the kind of network system me and my friends have here because we dont have money to pay for a sitter. It really does make a difference u come back re energized and ready to take on anything that comes along.

much luck.

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Asker's Comment:

I CHOSE YOU AS BEST ANSWER BCUZ I FEEL YOU REALLY KNOW WHERE I AM COMMING FROM ,

Answer 2

call nanny 911.

Answer 3

As drastic as it sounds, they need to loose something permanetly, or at least an extended time. You say they earn back their toys and contiune acting this way. Maybe if the punishments got worse each time, they would begin to change their ways.

Answer 4

If You Punished them verbally and its not helping spank them.... and if thats not helping whoop their butts and then ground them

Answer 5

You HAVE to get control of them now - the older they get the worse they'll get and when they become teenagers you'll lose them for sure.
Where is the father? Can't he help. I'd send 2 of them to him for a while and work on 2 then switch.
In this day and age there is no reason (other then death or imprisonment) why a father can't share the responsibilities of raising them. I know you hate to do that but look what is going on with you having all 4 and not being able to handle it.
With the remaining 2 get tougher then you have been. Take all their toys away and only give them 1 back when they earn it and for heaven sakes don't buy them more!
Do what you threaten to do so they learn that when you say some thing it is going to happen. Right now they are taking advantage of you and the fact that your tired.
GET TOUGH With them AND MAKE YOUR EX TAKE ON SOME OF WHAT YOU DEAL WITH.

Source(s):

Kids will run over you if you let them.

Answer 6

I've been there..... It really just comes down to this. Discipline works when children fear it. If they fear what is going to happen, then they will listen. I felt the same way, that nothing would work. That's because I didn't stick to my guns long enough for them to learn what was gonna happen when they didn't listen. Some people don't spank their children, and that's fine, all I can say is they apparently aren't raising children like mine. Spanking, standing in the corner for about 15 minutes or so, not just till your tired of hearing them say "can I get out now", take what they like away from them, and ground them, all work. You just have to figure out what they hate most. I will say there are some children like my son, that will repeatedly just keep being mean as hell. I gotta say I was the same way and really don't know why I done what I did when I knew I was gonna get what I got, but I did. However, he's only 4 and I suspect he'll grow out of it soon. Good luck, and remember discipline takes work.. don't get lazy.

Answer 7

they are feeling the stress that is oozing from you. give them more hugs not threats and yelling. use quiet voices in the home and ask that something be done once. mirror the behavior you want them to use. get some counseling and take parenting classes. it's not an easy road, but slowing down the house will fix things.
donate most of the toys and have the kids put the few remaining ones in a toybox or laundry basket each night before bed. pick your battles and realize that a house can be messy AND full of love.

Answer 8

First, I would suggest that you enlist help. Perhaps parents or your siblings, especially males. The children already have a female influence (you, though more wouldn't hurt), but they sound like they need more male influence as well. Someone to reinforce ideas like honor and duty. And it sounds like you may need to step away for at least a couple of hours, so a maybe a babysitter help, too. Doesn't have to be longterm, if maybe grandparents or friends, something like that.

The removal of toys is a good thing, but I would suggest eliminating that earn-back idea immediately. When you say no toys, make it mean no toys no matter what. They'll go crazy over it at first, but they'll get the message.

I know most say raising your voice isn't a good thing, but it depends on how you do it. You, of course, do not want to yell at them all the time; but when they do something wrong they do need to know it. You are the adult and it is your space (whether house, apt., trailer, etc.), if they ask why you are yelling you remind them you are paying for the place and they are not. When they pay rent they can yell all they want, too. Until then, you yell and they respect.

And it appears you have trouble with the idea of more physical punishment (specifically spanking and wrist-slaps). While I certainly don't condone abuse, spanking is not abuse. Time-outs obviously are not working, it may be time to bump up the punishment.

But the absolutely most important part of discipline is to maintain it. A time out is worthless if you let the kid out early. Taking away toys do not matter if a couple of minutes of keeping quiet is enough to get them right back. It is only worse if you let them keep the toy when they return to the bad behavior. Stand firm on whichever punishment you choose, and they will begin to learn their boundaries.

Answer 9

mine are 12, 10, 5, 3. I get some of the same behavior. My kids don't lose their stuff for a week they loose it for months. Then after the months are up they can earn it back. If they get in trouble even more they loose more. I have gone as far as to give them only a weeks worth of clothes (usually the stuff they HATE). I also make my older ones write sentences "I will not....." If they are fighting you can make them sit on the sofa holding hands or hug one another for a fewe minutes. Any toy you pick up throw out (if you don't want to throw it out put it in a box in the closet for a fewe months) once they see their stuff disappearing they will get the point. If they want to whine send them to their room and ttell them they can come out when they are done and can talk normal. Good luck...I am right there with you.

Answer 10

Hmm. Stop raising your voice mom. It's stressing you out and they have zoned you out anyhow. Print you out a new set of rules. Let them know the consequences. With my it's 3 strikes
1st strikes a warning
2nd is a time out
3rd and you are going to stay in your room all day if I had to tell you 3 times to do the same thing something is wrong.
Stick to your plan. Wake them up to a new set of rules and let them know you mean business.

Answer 11

Two suggestions ...

First ... try ignoring their bad behavior. Simply do not engage with them when they are misbehaving. Turn your back on them, walk away, or use whatever means you have to, to make them understand that bad behavior does not get them the attention they are seeking.

Second .. stop yelling! Try whispering, instead. This can work like a charm. They will stop their noise to hear what it is you are saying. Also, a lower tone of voice keeps everyone calmer. Raising your voice just agitates them more, and makes them (and YOU) more volatile.

Keep in mind that they are young, and raising kids is hard (HARD!) work. When you feel yourself losing control, count to 10 ... and then to 10 again, if you have to (it works). Sometimes, honestly, the best thing for your sanity is to realize that perfection isn't all that important, and if that means some toys left out, it's OK. Kids are happier with a relaxed mom in a messy house than a stressed-out mom in a spotless house!

Answer 12

I can help with the Not Picking up the Toys problem.

First off, you shouldn't yell. It makes them feel like they win by getting you to lose it, and It stresses you out. And never punish if your not calm. Losing your calm (in their minds) give them the right to lose theirs too. (I can't count the number of times I've told my mother "But you do it!" to try and get away with something.)

If taking toys away won't get them to pick them up, do what my mother did; give any toys that they refuse to properly take care of away to charity. Make sure they understand what your doing, and that the toys won't becoming back once there gone.

Then when they're good, let them earn money like an allowance so they can save to buy new toys. It will make the toys seem more like the privilege they are. They are practically guaranteed to take better care and respect their things more.

This gives the added bonus of teaching them how to handle money, and understand its value.

It works, like I said, my mother did this to my siblings and me.

Source(s):

My Childhood.

Answer 13

Sounds like punishing them is not working. Why not try discipline?

To teach them proper behavior, you need to SHOW them, over and over and over. You have to communicate with them, not just yell, or beg or coerce.

Please get some good, positive discipline books ASAP )libraries have them if you are strapped for cash) The best ones for your age range are "Easy to Love, difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey, "How to talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, and "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen.

You need a new perspective on your kids behavior and your responses to it. Respect is a two way street.

Answer 14

if you can't bring yourself to put a hand to their as*s when they need it, then you are going to be in even worse shape when they are in their teens....my parents didn't hesitate to spank us when we screwed up and i can tell you for sure that it's the best way to teach them that there are REAL consequences to their actions.....and don't be one who takes things too literally....there is a BIG BIG difference between discipline and abuse....time outs, taking away priveleges and the like are worthless modes of punishment....they know all they have to do is stick it out until the priveleges are returned.....they need to be prepared for the real word and know that there will be real world consequences for their actions and nothing says that better than a good smack on the as*s, followed by time out or removal of priveleges to reinforce the discipline....it taught my siblings and i respect for my parents, respect for the rules, and the knowledge that if we screwed there were unpleasant and real consequences that made us think twice before we acted up. if you don't do this now, they will find out the hard way that the consequences as adults to poor behaivor will be jail, loss of employment and/or loss of real priveleges, like their home, relationships or material belongings......i've never hesitated to spank my children if they needed it and they are growning up to be respectful, courteous individuals who have integrity and character......yelling for sure does no good, because they just tune it out and you only get madder....the correct form of discipline is a spanking, at the intial onset of the behaivor, not after they ignore you and you get mad...that's what leads to abuse....if you don't get a handle on this now by using the tried and tested method of punishment for generations and generations before us all....then you are doing your children a great dis-service and not preparing them for the real world, which i promise you will have no sympathy for them and be very harsh when they think they can get over on employers, relationships and the legal system the way they have on you

Source(s):

hmmm.....thumbs down as i figured i would get....but this is the only way and you'll be wishing you had when they are in their teens and drinking, getting high and making you a grandparent before they are even out of school......if it didn't work, our parents and their parents before them and thiers before them would have found a better way. there isn't one....and why my kids will be successful in life like I am and most of yours won't be....if you don't want to take the advice of myself and the other few who get it and arent' afraid to be parents to our children and get the thumbs down anyway, then so be it....but i'll sleep well at night not worrying about mine and knowing i gave you the benefit of someone who has been there and has good kids because of it

Answer 15

Try the book 1-2-3 Magic. It's very quick and easy to read, which is a good thing when you're a single mom cause you don't have much time. The first thing it teaches you to do is to count at your kids when they're not behaving. You give them to the count of 3 to change their bad behavior. If, at 3, they are still misbehaving, they are sent off to their room or wherever else you choose. This is more of a cooling-off period instead of a timeout, because they can still play or read a book or whatever, but they cannot be in contact with you or with their siblings. This keeps them from getting attention for their bad behavior. Once your kids are used to the counting, you then gradually introduce rewards for good behavior. It doesn't have to be anything big, but when they behave like you want them to, you need to be sure to praise them, make a big deal of it, and give them something special (it doesn't have to be material, it can be watching their favorite show, or sitting down with you to read their favorite book). It works because your kids will learn that they get more attention when they behave well.

Answer 16

ahhh...i feel ur pain...i have a 10yr boy and 5 yr girl...they're a handful, and it's just parenting...never ending, the 123 magic, that has had some affect on my kids, to get their attention, but not to clean up or do chores...
it's an ongoing battle... restrictions...what other discipline is their to use ...ignoring our children, if only we could...i like the relaxed mom in a messy house concept...
i am all for a good read, i am gonna take down some notes from these answers...
cafemom.com is a great networking site for moms...

Answer 17

put them over you knee and see how fast they start behaving

Answer 18

GO back to and old game back in the day called TEAR THAT A** up. you get that belt and teear it up.