English Composition I?

Question

How can i succeed in this class?
I need tips, etc...
Any books I can buy?

A paragraph from an old essay in my previous course...

Intro

In “Rape: A Bigger Danger than Feminists Know”, Camille Paglia argues that females have been brainwashed by feminists into thinking that having an understanding of male sexuality isn’t necessary. She feels feminism has tricked women into believing that they can go anywhere and do anything without fear of rape. She believes that women should always fear the danger of sexual assault. She states, “A girl who gets dead drunk at a fraternity party is a fool” [Paragraph 8]. Her premise challenges the background of feminism as a primary reason for women being raped, but she doesn’t provide enough evidence to blame the feminists for causing rape.

Answer 1

Okay: first off, after the title of the article, your comma should be inside the quotations. Next, don't use contractions (doesn't) in your writing.

You have a great intro, but your thesis (Her premis challenges the background.....but she doesn't provide enough evidence...) seems difficult. Your WHOLE paper should be about how she doesn't provide enough evidence, and that's almost impossible to do (I'm guessing). Pick 3-6 SPECIFIC things she does poorly or well, and those should be in your thesis.

I actually teach a freshman English 100 writing class at the university I attend, and I'm working on my high school credentials right now, and I live for this stuff...send me an email if i can be of more assistance. Good luck!

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Answer 2

The previous posters are generally right, so I ordinarily wouldn't post. I have a few thoughts, though.

First: You ask for books. Really, the only book you need to buy is Strunk and White's _Elements_of_Style_. It answers nearly every question regarding style and grammar and such. As previous posters have said, you are a good writer. There is no grievous sin you've committed.

The other criticism is something you can't really learn from a book and which no one here can really teach you: the strong and properly-worded thesis. In this particular case, your thesis suffers from not really making a claim. A thesis should articulate a specific claim very lucidly. You should say exactly why her evidence fails or why feminists are wrong or something of that sort. A thesis needs to be strong and positive, whereas yours is fairly meek. If it is not, then why should I read your paper? It would add very little, would it not? A thesis needs to make a strong claim because that will compel a reader to delve further into the essay (e.g. The reader thinks "What do you mean George Washington murdered camels?! That's outrageous!")

Finding that strong claim is the hard part. A professor of mine (perhaps unethically...but I think he knew I was of-age) once urged me to sit in a dim room with a glass of wine and contemplate my subject. I've found that advice quite helpful. However, I would imagine it extends to any relaxing activity. Just relax and let the subject take over your mind until you find a glaring fault in the general argument. Once found, consider a solution--or you can just argue that incredible fault. Regardless, it will be strong and that is what a thesis really needs to be...even if you don't think the claim is particularly strong.

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Answer 3

I'm not sure of any books you can buy..however your intro paragraph seems pretty decent but to be a good writer (for papers at least) make sure you have a strong thesis that relates specifically to your topic, article, book, or whatever you are writing about. Also, make sure you have good topic sentences for each paragraph that you write and provide specific details from the work you are using in those paragraphs. Hope that helps somewhat! Good luck!

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Answer 4

You can write. But your premise is weak. Challenge an unknow concept or construct and back it up with your logic and that of others. End up with a solid construct that no one has ever intended.

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