How did you get around the "Seattle Freeze"?

Question

During my first visit to Seattle, I found the city, climate, and culture to be a great fit. The job market is strong for IT careers. People seem friendly and outgoing. However, my research in relocating turned up one unfortunate alter-ego: "The Seattle Freeze".

Now, before you lambast me with answers like:

Seattle natives aren't like that.
Only people "not from" Seattle think that.
This doesn't exist, you must be crazy.

I invite you to review the following, courtesy of The Seattle PI, The Seattle Times, The University of Washington, and more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roC_nsdyi…
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/pacific…
http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/adven…
http://newintown.meetup.com/38/messages/…
http://www.spacecitymixer.com/

The general consensus agrees that "The Seattle Freeze" is real, so how did you get around it? What are your personal strategies for breaking the ice?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

There are plenty of folks in Seattle who are interested in making friends, but it's important to position yourself so that you'll meet this people. Here are some ways I've made new friends in the 8 1/2 years I've lived here:

1. Volunteering at an organization or for a one-time event (check www.uwkc.org or look up Seattle Works for ideas)

2. Online social networking...there are photo meet-up groups on Flickr.com, Yahoo.com has local social groups as well. I have several friends who have used platonic "activity partner" ads on Craigs List to meet people. Some Seattle MySpace groups also have in-person meet-ups.

3. Classes...take a non-credit art/language/activity class at www.seattlecentral.edu or www.discoveru.org

4. Alumni associations...if you are a college alum, maybe your alma mater has an alumni group in Seattle.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thanks Jen. This was a tough topic, but I'm glad that you (as well as some others) realized that this isn't a "transplant" issue, but something that happens with native Seattleites.

Answer 2

I moved to the area about two years ago. I really didn't have any problems, but then, I tend to be active in a variety of organizations, so there were lots of "ins" for me to meet people. I joined a synagogue early on; I also joined the Mensa chapter here (I've been a member for many years), as well as an African violet society (I raise them as a hobby), and the Washington Native Plant Society. Find people with like interests, and they don't care where you're from - only that you're here!

Answer 3

I grew up and spent most of my life in NYC, and lived in SanFrancisco for 5 years before coming to Seattle 4 years ago now. I must say that I've heard of the "Seattle freeze", but I've experienced the opposite, I've got more friends here than I did in NY and SF combined. I wouldn't necessarily attribute that to Seattle, but it does go against the "freeze" concept to me. I find people here very friendly and approachable. Many times people will initiate a get together with me, but if a new potential friend doesn't initiate -- then I will. You can't always wait around for other person to invite you -- why not invite them? Btw -- I recommend the Space City Mixer events -- nice friendly people doing the things that they enjoy whether it's cooking, dancing, ball games, trips etc. Also, try to be open and receptive -- if you're walking around believing that people are mean and uncaring -- chances are your behavior is corresponding with your belief -- which ironically maybe causing people to respond to you in the exact same way that you're complaining about!

Answer 4

At first, I became friends with the people I worked with. This was easy because we all had a shared interest - music. When I wanted to meet more people and people with varied interests, it was much harder. I found some groups at www.meetup.com and met some people I really liked. There's even a Meetup group called Seattle Anti-Freeze that I go to.

Answer 5

I moved here 17 years ago to go to college, which is am environment conducive to making friends. I didn't have a problem (and truthfully, never heard of the concept of the Seattle freeze until about 2 years ago.) I met most of my current friends either at work or through other friends. Joining a club that revolves around something you're really interested in is always a good way to meet people who share your interests.

Answer 6

One side of my family has been here for over 50 years so I suppose I can be considered a Seattle native--I have never lived outside in the suburbs for that matter. When I was growing up in Seattle, the city was neither a hot destination zone for others nor was it overpriced the way that is now. I remember when a Seattle Public School teacher could afford to buy a house on Queen Anne or Capitol Hill. People were warmer and friendlier than they are today simply because it used to be locals dealing with other locals. These simple observations are coming from an educated 35 year old male which is incredible given the amount of changes that has happened to my fair city in such a short period of time. Indeed, my observation has been that Seattle was never meant to be on the world stage let alone a major city; all one has to do is observe the small town infrastructure of the municipality and the lack of freeway/transportation systems that are hallmarks in real cities. True Seattleites unfortunately have such a provincial attitude yet at the same time have this insatiable wanderlust..a West Seattle or Wallingford resident does not see anything strange in not knowing about other neighborhoods yet at the same time feels no qualms about booking a flight to Buenos Aires. I have been able to see these things only because I have traveled to other cities over the years such as New York, San Francisco, Manila, Oklahoma City, Los Angeles, Cincinnati, etc. Seattle Freeze does exist but I believe outsiders have missed another element to it all: people here tend to be very apathetic and lackadaisical. Apathy is merely tolerance without care. Lackadaisical is merely "relaxed" without any time constraints. Seattlelites generally will respond to a person if put to task or confronted. Whenever someone gets an invitation to socialize from a Seattle native, the most effective thing to do is to be proactive by doing some immediate follow-up...this saves time and tests to see if the other person was truly being genuine. Remember, natives here are not very hard-edged so if you give them the East Coast treatment then it will throw them off balance. Outsiders here can accomplish anything they want so long as they remember the people from here just need to be given a real dose of what actually goes on in a real city such as New York or Chicago.

Answer 7

I think it either just takes a longer time to really get well-acquainted with the people around here or else if you find some sorts of different like-minded groups that you might join that expediates the whole process (church groups, sports clubs, general interest groups, etc.). Also, if you are into frequenting bars/clubs, peoples' inhibitions are down a bit after some "social lubricants" and will let their guard down a bit, so you'll experience a little less of that "friendly cold shoulder".

Answer 8

I live in Seattle, and I admit that I am "chilly" around people I don't know. It's just that those people seem so shy, and I feel like they don't want to talk to me. One tip is, just try to talk to the Seattlite! Talk about hobbies, or a tv show, or something like that. Once you get to know a few Seattlites, socializing in Seattle becomes a lot easier.

Answer 9

I think the Seattle Freeze is very real.

I recently moved up here and I find that everyone is cold, distant, and not trusting.

Frustrating beyond words.

I've made an effort to meet other newbies and be very open and friendly. I haven't made much progress, but I finally have a few people to talk to.

"Have a nice day, somewhere else."

Answer 10

OMGosh, i don't know, and this may be my "New Yawkness" showing - but after reading all of the comments below - i feel like ... i'm finally coming home!!!

I'm originally from Brooklyn, living now in Nashville, TN (an incredibly pretty city) and many people are very friendly - but at the same time - there is such an air of insincerity - you can cut it with a knife.

I'll be moving to Seattle in the next couple of months and i'm reading that people that can be standoffish, distrusting, distant - oh boy - I'M COMING HOME - finally!!! ha ha ha

Answer 11

The best way to get around that is to stick around if you Really like it that much. Eventually you'll start to meet people with whom you have things in common with. BTW with all the IT people they all should have that in common. Since I'm from Seattle I just notice that Freeze in people from other areas, but often it can take some time to get people to trust you enough to let you close. The best way to get over the freeze is to find other friendlier areas. People here don't take too kindly to the idea that we're not the best place on earth.