Why do people give cheap wedding gift???

Question

I myself am planning a wedding. It's costing me about $35,000 give or take. (And that's not a big number for a wedding) Now I understand if you are travelling super long distances (I have a guest coming from France to my wedding in Canada) but people that live by me shouldn't have a problem. Right? If you break it down, I think it will cost me about $230 per person. Now, whenever I go to a wedding, I try to find out how much it cost for a plate, add 15% or more. I thought that was what everyone did. I know that maybe not everyone has tones of money, but it's a wedding! I plan on doing it once! Isn't the point of weddings (other then getting married) to help start off a couple? When it was my fiance's brother wedding we gave him $900 between us. He's Family! I see people asking "what is a cheap gift for a wedding?" ... and I can't help feel insulted for the wedding couple.

Tell me am I out of line with my thinking??? Should I expect only $20 gifts from people?

Additional Details

Look people! are you telling me that you would give your sister a mixing bowl on her wedding???

If that's true... you guys are cheap!

I'm glad that my friends show up, and I love all of them... I would never be crude and get them a stupid salt shaker for their wedding.

Wow you guys are mean!

I'm not a money bags myself but I never go cheap on a wedding, especially for a close friend or relative.

You think I'm greedy? We'll see how you feel when you get a bill for $35 000 for your wedding!

You guys think I'm selfish...

For food only it's costing me $100 per person. It's true that I pick a place that's nicer then a park and/or a restaurant. But where I'm from it cost at least $90 to feed people in a banquet hall. I don't have the space in my home for 150 people.

I'm surprised with all the suggestions that I'm selfish... I'm really nice... and totally not a ******* spoiled brat. Really. I work hard, and just want my one day. I just expected people to know how much it cost and try to help pay off the wedding. I'm not getting married for money or anything. No one is helping me pay for my wedding either... no mommy and dadday with a wedding account.

I'm sorry if I sound selfish but to behonest... I've always given a lot, so I expect the same. I treat people like how I hope they treat me in return.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Yes, I do the same!! I can't believe the cheap tacky things that people give for weddings. And don't mind most of these people- none of them are paying a hundred dollars a plate like you and me. Most of them talk about $10-14 dollar a plate weddings- So I guess their cheap gift is OK.
I think it's a social class thing- like they don't know any better.

To below me- Whatever- stick and stones will brake my bones and words will never hurt me. IT"S RUDE to eat and drink on someone else's dime. And people should seek out a CHEAP gift? How about a meanful gift. I have made homemade quilts and embroidered linens when I was broke but I NEVER looked or ask for a "cheap" gift. IT'S RUDE.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

You all are living in a dream world if you think weddings cost only a few dollars a plate. Thanks for the suport!

Answer 2

wow!! someone sounds greedy!!!



edit: yep! still think you a greedy and selfish person! how is it your guests problem that you spent 35,000 on YOUR wedding? if you wanted an expensive wedding thats YOUR problem not everyone elses!! get over yourself and grow up!! you shold never expect a gift just because you got married. or for any reason for that matter. and yes if a mixing bowl was all i could afford, that thats what i would give as a gift. id rather have food in my home and gas in my car and clothes on my back, than buy some greedy person such as yourself an expensive present! again, grow up and get over yourself!!!

edit again: you are incredibly selfish and spoild. your guests are not responsible for paying you back because you spent a large sum of money for YOUR wedding. i do know how much weddings cost. i got married in april 06 and am still paying off my wedding! however my husband and i paoid for our entire wedding ourselves and would never require guests to buy let alnone expect expensive gifts or "cheap" gifts for that matter.
you seriously sound like a spoild 12 year old brat, that was handed way to much. i feel sorry for your husband to be!!!

Answer 3

You are being petty

Answer 4

Yes you are out of line. You should be thankful for any gift that you rcv you shouldnt be expecting any price amount.

Answer 5

I think someone would be far better off, and richer, in a sense, to have lots of close friends who are getting married, then to worry about ONE friend's wedding gift. You are rude and selfish. Yes, wedding gifts are supposed to help start a couple's life together. The wedding gifts that I use the most are a set of mixing bowls and an iron. They both cost under $20. I hope some of your guests read your post and decide to give you cheap Walmart toasters as gifts.

Answer 6

Because their cheap

Answer 7

Technically, no one is ever required to bring a gift to a wedding. Personally speaking, I would love to get a nice gift for a friend who's getting married. But for many people, a $200 gift would literally break the bank--in my case, I could spend $200 on a gift for a wedding, or I could buy groceries for a month. But I will honestly say, if I chose the gift, guess who's family is living off of cereal for a month?

Old-school etiquette states that the gift be worth a little more than your dinner, yes. But they will also tell you to graciously accept any gift given, because its given from the heart. If you're expecting gifts to off-set the cost of what you're spending on the wedding, maybe you should consider having a smaller wedding. If you feel 'insulted' because someone gave you a gift (when they're not required to by the way) and it wasn't worth at least $230, you're rude and greedy.

Answer 8

Are you serious? I can't believe you are upset because people aren't spending enough on you... You should be pleased that you are getting married, having a nice day and that your friends and family want to be there.... Some people can't afford to spend all that money and $20 might be a lot to them.... Besides, maybe you shouldn't spend $35,000 on a wedding if you can't afford to buy your own stuff??! A gift is a gift, not a start off in life.... you sound like you are well off as it is.... If you fiance found out how you were reacting maybe he wouldn't want to marry you after all! Besides, an expensive gift isn't necessarily the most thoughtful... someone who has a nice holiday home somewhere they could loan you for a week, or a boat they would be willing to take you out on would be far more thoughtful than spending hundreds of dollars on some plates that you will probably never use

Answer 9

I don't trow parties to get gifts, but that's just me. If you chose to spend $230 per person, that's your choice and your guests are not obligated to pay back for your party options.

I give generously when I attend a wedding. Normally, I give $100-200 dollars. No more than $200 though, unless it's family. For a smaller wedding, I give a smaller gift.

If any of my guests couldn't afford to give me anything, I don't care. My wedding is not a fund raiser or a competition. I want the people that I care about to be there and their presence is what means the world to me. I couldn't care less for toasters or cash, I already have both.

Good luck

Answer 10

are you just getting married for the gifts?

that sounds like a rude question. If you wanted all high end stuff than why did you put cheap stuff on your registry?

I get a gift based on how well I know them, but not usually over $50.

I hope your future husband doesn't read this because if he knows your this greedy and materialistic he might leave.

Answer 11

You know, I would normally disagree, but it's true. They are spending tons on this wedding and the least people can do is give a good gift. I wouldn't say it necessarily has to be expensive, but it should be thoughtful and useful. Some people do just try to get by without giving anything nice. I'm not suer why one would be so inconsiderate. I'd say those people have never had to plan and pay for a wedding.

Source(s):

Wow, what a bunch of HATERS!! hahaha!! Get what you deserve, girl!!!

Answer 12

im shocked people would even want to come to your wedding with an attitude like that. no one told anyone to spend a fourtune on a wedding. how about you try being happy with what you get. to some people $20 is a lot of money. see, there is this thing called a job, where you have to earn what you make, and why spend your hard earned money on a greedy spoiled little ***** like yourself?

Answer 13

You sound very materialistic. It's not about how much someone spends...it's the thought behind it. Maybe all they can afford is $20 gifts. I wouldn't break my bank to get anybody a wedding gift. Your outrageous! Get over yourself quick!

You really need to stop on the addition note! If you read, listen and take it all in...we are saying you should not care about the price of the gift. It's the thought behind it. You have NO morals at all. I feel so sorry for your husband. It's not your family or friends that you are spending 35 grand on a stupid wedding that last no more than 8 hours. B*tch please!

On the second additional note: B*tch please!

Answer 14

Are you marrying for love or just to throw a big fancy party and show off then collect your loot.

Cancel it, go to Vegas and elope. The reality is that it about the rest of your life not how expensive your gifts are.

Grow up.

Answer 15

A wedding is not a party thrown to receive gifts - it's to celebrate your marriage. If you decide to spend $35,000 on your wedding, that's your perogative. I shouldn't have to buy an equally expensive gift as a condition of my invitation.

That said... I used to spend around $100 on a gift. That's what I could afford and I thought it was a good amount. However, last year I was invited to ten weddings and this year so far it's been 7. I already know next year there are at least three weddings I'm being invited to. If I spend $100 on each of these weddings, well, that's a lot of money!

Honestly, I would be happy with anything someone decided to give me. I won't be comparing costs of gifts and I'm not going to go broke over a gift. I don't mean to sound rude and I'm sure I'll get a lot of thumbs-down for this, but frankly, yes this is a one-time thing for you, however for me going to 17+ weddings in two years, it's not a one-time thing for me.

Answer 16

ok, $230 a person is alot, they shouldn't have to give you a gift that covers the cost of the whole wedding!! most people give gifts, correct me if i'm wrong cause my own wedding is coming up soon, between $25-$50 wich more than covers their plate, each plate at my wedding will be $10 or $12 so i really don't expect gifts of more than $50 and for you to expect gifts of over $200 is rude and ungracious!!

the point of the wedding is to marry the love of you life, not get gifts! it seems that you made the wedding so expensive (mine will be around $2,500) and you want your guests to reemburse you for it!!! how shallow!!!! don't complain to us, working class for who $25 is alot of money, about getting cheap gifts, be grateful they at least GET you something!!!

if money is an issue, DON'T MAKE YOUR WEDDING SO EXPENSIVE in the first place, your guests did not ask you to, and if i was invited to your wedding, knowing how you are, i would go and not even get you a card! or maybe even one from the dollar store and leave the receipt in it!

selfish brat

Source(s):

9.8.07 bride who is greatful for any gift, wheather a penny or a million dollars! and just wants to marry the love of her life!!

Answer 17

First off don't spend $35,000 on a wedding, do it smaller and cheaper and use the money for yourself. You don't throw a big lavish wedding expecting to get back what you paid in gifts. You throw a wedding for you and your future spouse and as a celebration. Why not just charge admission? At least then you'd be sure to get your money's worth.

Answer 18

First of all, if you have $35,000 to spend on a wedding, it doesn't really sound like you need "help" starting off and if you do wouldn't it be smarter to skip the wedding and use that money to start off with? The point of a wedding is only to celebrate beginning a new life with the person you love, if you get nice gifts great, if not too bad, you should expect nothing and be grateful for anything that you do receive. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but there is so much more to life than material items!!

Answer 19

sad but true - you sound like you are getting married for the big show and expensive gifts instead of for being next to the one you love for ever..

i know someone who got married in a dress she got from the salvation army ( she looked fabulous ). they spent only about a hundred for the rings ( second hand ). the food was done by family & brought pot luck style ( no one starved ). they are still married almost 35 years later...

i feel sorry for you :(
...

Answer 20

I honestly believe that people will spend what they can on a wedding gift, not take 15% over the table cost and spend that much.

The reason people ask what is a cheap wedding gift is because they want to get something meaningful, but aren't able to spend $250 on a gift.

When it boils down to it, it's the thought that counts. The best gift I received on my wedding day was a poem that my husband wrote for me. The cost $0.

Answer 21

I do not think your greety at all, Some of my family gave me small gifts or "cheap gifts" however, I know they do not have alot of money to spare or are single moms on one income. For those I understand. But my brother in-law did not get us anything! After we paid for his tux, paid for his food, he drank about 100 bucks in liquior and got him a nice groomsmen gift. He got us nothing! I would have been happy with a card but we did not even get that.
So I do understand how you feel. Some guest just do not realize, but when they get married they want tons of expensive stuff.
So to be honest, I keep a list of how much things cost from people. So when they get married, they get a 20 dollar gift if they got me one.

Answer 22

Wow, just because you spent a great deal or your wedding, they are supposed to give you expensive gifts? While I wouldn't give anyone a 20.00 wedding gift, I think it is wrong to expect very expensive gifts. Maybe you should register your wedding gifts, to ensure that you get nothing cheap.Your question leaves a bad taste in my mouth , sorry !!!!

Source(s):

Eloquently stated PBEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 23

YOU are a brat.
Spending $35000 on your wedding is your option. It's up to you. If you were so concerned with how much you would collect at the end of it, you'd be better set to keep the money.
How many couples do you know that break even at weddings? I can't think of ANY. With that being said... I am maid of honor in a wedding. My dress plus alterations cost $400. The bachelorette party was about $200 for dinner, cabs and drinks, and the bridal shower was another $200. I'm not getting the bride anything other than a scrapbook. If that makes me a horrible person, so be it.
In addition to this, I cannot imagine that you would pay $230 a plate, becuase that would make you an idiot... so if you're dividing $35000 (the cost of the wedding) by the number of guests, then you are unjust. Your guests don't have to pay for tux rental or hall rental, or your limo to get there.

In my experience, no one will remember your $230 dinner. So good luck there. perhaps you'll be the only person at the wedding anyhow, with an attitude like that.

I typically spend $100 at a wedding on a gift. I have a good job, and I'm lucky. I would say you are way out of line requesting a 230 dollar or greater gift.

Answer 24

You are having a wedding and inviting your friends and family to join in the celebration, not to bring you expensive gifts, if all you want are gifts ,don't have a big extravagent to do,keep your money and buy your own gifts. You are a FLAKE!!!

Answer 25

Not everyone thinks like you - some people are cheapskates, but most people do NOT attend weddings to give you gifts - they come because they care about you and wish you well.

Answer 26

First of all, I would never spend $35,000 on a wedding. That's ludicrous. Secondly, not everyone can afford to spend $900 on a wedding gift. Weddings are NOT to start the couple off with a fully furnished house, it is a celebration YOU host because you want your loved ones to share your special day with you, not to see how much money you can get. Be grateful for what you get, you should never expect to be given gifts.

Source(s):

Bride to Be 10/13/07
Not expecting gifts, just for people to show up and celebrate with me!

Answer 27

Have a cheap wedding. It's a big deal for you, not really anyone else. I've been happiest when my friends just send me wedding pictures or tell me that they got married over making me go through the dress getting, flight arrangements, and all the personal expenses of making their wedding a special day. I don't plan to have a $35,000 wedding, because that is an AWESOME downpayment for a house. If you can throw that amount away in a day then it shouldn't matter what kind of gifts you get.

Answer 28

First it is stupid to spend 35000.00 dollars on a wedding to start with how crazy is that and second its not the guest faught that your are crazy enough to either. And to complain anbout a gift to start with is just wrong you need to get off that high horse that yur on and come back down to earth. Nobody has to get you anything if they dont want to. Why dont u just tell them what you want them to spend in the invite bridezilla

Answer 29

i cant believe you are getting married because of gifts. you should not have gotten married at all then.

what imagine are you carving for young people out there. since when has marriage become a business? God!! you are indeed greedy.

do your wedding because you are ready for it financially and forget the gifts.

Answer 30

you are insane!! you think that every guest should spend close to $300 on your gifts?? What you should do is possibly look at the financial situations of your guests and then base their gift giving cost off of that. I wouldn't be able to afford a gift that expensive!! Just them being there on your wedding day should be gift enough!

Answer 31

I think you sound like a very ungrateful person. That is your chose to spend $35000 on a wedding for one freaken day, I think it's ridiculous there is so much more I would rather spend my money on. You sound like if you have that much to spend on a wedding you can afford your own stuff!! Stop being a snot face and wake up not everyone is rich and can afford a $200 gift so be grateful for what you get.