Does anyone have a cross cultural marriage?

Question

how do you deal with what their cultural expectations are of the marriage roles?

Answer 1

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In a cross cultural marriage you have to expect, anticipate, and look forward to all sorts of disagreements between the cultures, and be willing to work them all out in a way that works for the two of you. In some respects they are easier than a single cultural marriage, because in single culture marriage you aren't expecting to see the differences.

A good sense of humor, flexibility, communication, and a strong love for one another helps a lot.

A brief warning is in order. Some cultural differences may be too great to overcome for some people. This especially happens when one culture has strong expectations of the couple's behavior after marriage that are not fully understood.

Also, some folks will choose a cross cultural marriage based upon stereotypes of the other culture. Many marry into another culture to avoid competing within their own culture. Mail order brides, are a good example of that. On the other hand, some are trying to move up in the world the same way.

What can really hurt is if there is excessive outside interference. Also, the acceptance of each family is very important. Some families will not accept a person outside of their culture, regardless of how wonderful a person they are. Others will take you on as a regular family member.

Go into a cross cultural marriage with your eyes wide open. You won't want to miss the fun that happens. Incidentally, books could be written on how different cultures adapt to one another. Many of them would be humor books.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

great answer. goo dpoints. very true.

Answer 2

well i will be married to a muslim soon and im sikh. i wont be changing my religion or culture for him but i will respect his and follow them too. i no he wont follow my culture but he does respect it. its about give and take in a marriage.

Answer 3

marriage has nothing to do with cross culture.what matter most is the person with whom u r marrying,isnt it? still at mid 20's i am but i'm open to cross cultural marriages though my folks might oppose.

Answer 4

I come from Poland, live in Indonesia and my wife is Indonesian. As for our cultural differences, I think it is matter of tolerance and compromise which all comes with time. At beginning of marriage cultural differences can be somehow annoying, however within time it all doesn’t matter much and it is simply possible to accept each other differences as other things in relationship are lot more important. For instance I REALLY dislike going to local weddings, while my wife often insists on us going together to all these weddings she got invited to. We somehow found a compromise, which is that I join her only to some weddings, and if possible she attends it with her sister.

I think that if some cultural aspects really matter to you, it’s probably worth insisting to follow your culture. Yet, if you can somehow live with your husband not willing to follow your way, think twice if it is really important to make a big issue out of it. Most of the time it is simply not worth it and there's always some potential for finding a compromise.

To summarize, I really think that it’s what binds you together that matters, not what divides you.

Answer 5

Does it count that he's Asatru, I'm Wiccan, his family is Pentecostal, and mine agnostic-to-atheist?

We form our own expectations, instead of abiding by others'.

Answer 6

Well, I'm a super white gringo, and my husband is Hispanic. I'm not sure what expectations he HAD before we got married, but he certainly knew what he was getting into. He knows I am not "little suzy homemaker." I clean if I feel like it, I rarely cook, and if I do laundry and feel nice, I may put some of his stuff in it.

The only cultural problem I am running into is with his parents. I married the only son of a Catholic/Hispanic family, and they were never thrilled with me. We've been married 4 years now, and they keep asking when we are going to have a baby. I'm not having children, and if he doesn't tell them soon, I will. And, I won't be very nice about it. I'm not a uterus with legs.

He and I get along great though. He married me because he loves me, and we love being together. I'm not just a glorified maid (as I've sadly seen many Hispanic women become).