Any tips for dealing with a husband gone for long periods at a time?

Question

We've been married 8 years and he's gone to spend a year or a little over training for OTR truck driving, so he will be gone a long stretch at a time, then home again for a short time again and again. We've spent a total of 8 days totally apart other than this. Wondered if anybody had any practical suggestions.

No telling me he's cheating or going to..he's NOT
No telling me to get a boyfriend..NOT an option
No telling me to leave him cuz he shouldn't be away from us, he's doing what is right for us , just need any ideas of help to get through it.

Additional Details

I have 3 little kids, so joining things without them is not an option, and going with him is not an option, training is 3 weeks for the actual CDL, then 8 weeks for the company (no home time) then home every 2 weeks or so

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

I was a trucker for 13 years, (longhual, regional, and local)been an instructor, and in admissions of a truck school as well.
First of all Congrats on being so supportive of your husbands career choice thats a huge thing! He will need that continued support as he goes through his trainning with the company and completes his 1 to 2 yrs OTR experience. Stay possitive when you talk to him on the phone even when you're missing him, it makes it harder on both of U when you only talk about missing each other or negative stuff. Remember when he does come home on his days off give him time to decompress and get back on family time again before you start asking him to look at the bills or fix a leaky sink. ASk friends for help with repair issues or hire someone if possible trya nd make all his home time just for you and your family. Get online and check out the trucker websites there are some that have support groups for spouses of truckers and it can really help to be able to vent to people who are in the same boat. Some trucking comapniies actully have support groups within their companies to help with families too. If you have kids stay very involved in their activities, If you don't have kids get ahold of your girlfriends and family and make weekly dates with different ones or whole groups to go to dinner and the movies or just window shopping. Take little trips with friends to local places of interest. Where I Live in Calif we have alot of old mineing towns in the foothills and they are really fun to go walk around and look at the shops. plan candle parties, or tuperware parties, or even langerie parties, those are a great excuse to have friends over!
If he doesnt allready have one, get a laptop computer and WiFi for him to take in the truck with a video camera that way he can IM you or email U with his live image and you can get one for your home computer, its alot nicer than just plain old email. Make sure your cellphones are on the same service with free mobile to moblile and unlimited roaming as you will save a bundle on cell bills. When he is done with trainning and has his own truck see about the companies rider program, If they will let you ride with him take some vacation time and do it! you'll be glad you did and so will he! And remember a year isnt really all that long and once he gets that under his belt he can find a good local job and all will be well with the world again
be strong
Good luck

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Hard choice, there were a lot of great answers and thanks to everybody for contributing, its been a big help.

Answer 2

Hire someone to track his as s!!!

Answer 3

talk.....a lot.

Answer 4

That's a tough one. Do you both have cell phones? Most plans have free mobile to mobile and free long distance. Also, instant messenger is a great help. Good luck.

Answer 5

keep busy, take some classess at the local college, go work out or take piates and yoga classess, while you wait.

Answer 6

sounds like you are stuck. try renting movies, having the neighbors over, maybe a vibrator.

Answer 7

Take some classes

Volunteer

Mentor a child

Do some decorating

Answer 8

Enroll in a local night time college course, or find a hobby such as painting or kickboxing or join a gym. Do something to keep your hands and mind busy.

Answer 9

Get you some adult toys!!!

Answer 10

Take up a hobby or some classes to try to keep your mind on something else at least part of the time.

Answer 11

maybe you could go out to the training area and visit him there or take an occasional trip to one of his destinations.

I would also suggest looking for a flat-rate long distance phone carrier. That way you can pay one amount per month and call him all that you want whenever you miss him or want to share some news with him.

Answer 12

I wouldn't encourage you to not trust your man or to leave him or to cheat on him while he is away. All are very uncool suggestions. I will encourage you to find some things to interest you. Get on a bowling league or dart league, start up scrapbooking, have a weekly girls night out.

Answer 13

I've just recently posted a similar question, although my significant other comes home on the weekends... I keep in touch and remind him how much I love him thru cards/small gifts sent thru the mail. Believe or not, HE is the one that is going to need the security right now... at least you get to sleep in your own bed in your house at night. He is going to miss that VERY MUCH! Ps. phone sex is good too... ;)

Answer 14

I have a couple of suggestions. Can you pick a time where you call each other EVERY day to talk about what has happened that day and stay in each others' lives? Can you set short work vacations every few months where the two of you do nothing but relax together? How about writing love notes and sending packages for him to pick up when arrives somewhere? Can you go with him once in awhile?

Hang in there. I am a military brat and my parents did this their whole lives. If you are mature and committed, it can work. It isn't forever and he will come home.

Answer 15

PRACTICAL SOLUTION, HAVE YOU TRIED JUST VOLUNTEERING AT YOUR LOCAL HOSPITAL, OR A SENIOR CENTER? DO YOU GUYS HAVE CELL PHONES SO YOU CAN COMMUNICATE?
I REALLY FEEL FOR YOUR LONELINESS, BUT LIKE I SAID, MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER BY DONATING YOUR TIME FOR THOSE WHO WOULD REALLY BENEFIT FROM IT.

Answer 16

My husband works out of town Mondays thru Fridays, so I only get to see him for very short periods. It's a lot of work! We talk on the phone every morning and evening (phone sex isn't all that bad!). We trust each other, which is a big thing, too. I work full-time and manage our horse farm, so I'm pretty busy! I do all of the housework, too! When he's gone it's just me and our daughter, so we do okay, she helps out, too. Sunday mornings are just for him and I, and Sunday afternoons are for family. It's worked out well so far, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's only for a few more months!! Also, he only made the comment once to me of "What do you do all week?" when I didn't get the lawn mowed. His @ss was so sore after that reaming, that that has never come up again!

Answer 17

I know what you are going through. My husband was a project manager for a large company when my children were little. He would get sent away to supervise jobs and sometimes be gone for months at a time!

The days were not bad, my kids kept me running 100mph; but the evenings got kind of lonely. I am not a big TV watcher so found things to do that I loved. I quilted, and painted, did cross stitch...anything to pass the time.

If you don't have children, your options are wide open, you can take classes, join clubs, hang out with your girlfriends...etc.

My children were quite small when this was going on in my life, so it was not realistic for me to join clubs that met in the evenings, etc., because I would have had to hire sitters all the time, and that was expensive.

Just pour yourself into doing things you enjoy and the time will fly.

On the bright side, you do have the Internet to keep you busy now,...when my kids were little it was not around.

Answer 18

make time to go with him on his runs wether a week or month and support his lonely career

Answer 19

You can get a CDL in what, 6 weeks? I guess I don't get your question. Once he has a job, he'll be gone most of the time?
Once he has experience, he could probably get a job driving locally. There's a demand for experienced truck drivers.
Unless you have a job and/or kids, you could get a CDL license too. Go on some trips with him.
Absence does make the heart fonder.

Answer 20

if this is the kind of relationship you really want then just pick up some type of hobby or go back to school or get a job and just make the best of it .....if you love your man and you and he has come to an agreement of this is what is good for your family then you do what is best for yourself while he is doing what he has to like i said pick up some type of hobby or go back to school or apply as a substitute teacher at your local schooling or if you have kids get them interested in some type of extra activity good luck

Answer 21

Go back to school that is so productive you could join some clubs give back in the community do some volunteer work. The best thing to do is to keep yourself busy while he is away. Obviously get a toy there are a great many out there that work perfectly. But that handles that just make sure in whatever you choose to do that its flexible so that when he is here you can spend as much time together. It is hard to be with someone who is always on the road but eventually you will learn to deal with it. You could eventually even go with him and usually they enough time to spend in the city they are dropping stuff off at that you can have like a mini vacation.

Answer 22

Have you thought about going with him there are a lot of man and woman truck driving teams. i would see if you have children together that this might be a problem i know that this kind of relationship would be hard. My sister is a Marine and she is always having to leave her husband and two daughters to go were they send her but her and her husband have total trust in each other and this is what you need to make a relationship like this work love and trust.

Answer 23

Although my husband works only 3 minutes from our home I still see him only a few hours a day, he works from 12 pm to 2 or 3 am and sleeps during the day. weekends are not much better. It has been this way for 12 out of 14 years. I have learned to make the most of our time, even with three children adn one foster. We send emails, write little messages, and we talk on the phone. If you don't have children, or have someone who can help sometimes, you might consider going on the road with him at least once a month.

Answer 24

try going on one of his trips with him

Answer 25

Actually it might take just a few times before you start to enjoy your alone time. My husband is gone 8 days and then 7. sometimes i think if he was home more we might get divorced!! do you have children to worry about?

Answer 26

If at all possible go with him on short haul or even long haul routes when practical the seperation is hard I know,just remember that it is how he makes his living as well as provide for you and I think you should get to enjoy seeing places you have never seen before and you will get to see these places for free and remember that not all truck drivers are cheaters most of them avoid lot lizards at all cost Hope this helps.

I just saw what you added about the children well in that case then you should try to find a hobby when the kids are at school do you have friends or family to spend quality time with or do you have any places near your home who may need volunteers or you could be a sub teacher.

Source(s):

Dad and One of my Brothers are truck drivers.

Answer 27

I think your situation is very good one. Make the most of the days he comes home. Go on picnics, movies, dinners or just stay in bed with him. It is more fun when the husband as good as yours visits now and then. You have lesser fights and more love to share. Just enjoy it until it lasts. If you cannot tolerate the situation then ask him to find another job that will keep him near you all the time.