What are good substitute swear words?

Question

At work, you have to drop a quarter in the jar everytime you swear (it goes to charity) and I'm going broke, although half the time I'm provoked. I'm looking for some substitutes that might help me. i.e. instead of "dammit", i can say "darn it"..or instead of "Sh*t", I sometimes am able to slow it down and turn it into "shishkebab".....or instead of F*ck you, you F*cking F*ck !...I sometimes say "I don't agree with your premise". Thats the type of suggestions I'm looking for.

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

When I swear (which is quite often) I use real words...God d@mnit, sh!t, f*ck, etc. The thing is...when you're using a substitution for a bad word, you're still upset/angry enough to use it...What makes sh!t bad and poop not bad? You're saying it in anger, but you're just saying a different word. Does this make sense?

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

I was going to pick my favorite substitute, but your answer, although on a different tack makes sense. Although the feeling is still there, real swear words really grate on people and I try not to say them out of consideration of others, in the meantime I hit the gym to ease my anger.

Answer 2

The names of first ladys. Instead of saying Mother F*cker, say Martha Bush.

Answer 3

Instead of ....
F-ck.... Fart(ing) as in "Stop Farting Around!"....I don't have time to fart around!...You fart head! Or freak for...FREAKING A! FREAK I JUST STUBBED MY TOE! FREAKING BRA STRAP KEEPS SLIDING DOWN!

Dammit - Say Fudge! Fudge I forgot my notebook!

****- Poo Poo - You POO POO HEAD! I don't give a Poop! Poop, I left the window down!

How about: "Son Of A Beehive!"
"Your a Wanka!"
"Oh to Hello With You!"

Answer 4

Just think of a clever phrase from a song or something. I use select lines of Shakespeare.

Answer 5

I once had a friend who replaced the word sh*t with "sugar-monkey." (It's kinda fun to say.)

Answer 6

In our house we say Fudgenut! F-bomb! and Shizzle!
Sometimes I can even bring it down to Oh man! or Oh bother! (like pooh). It's true that you either cuss or you don't but a natural reaction that is void of cuss words or its substitutes takes many years of zen meditation.

Answer 7

"Dang" is popular with the kiddies, thanks to the movie Cars.

The Simpsons gave us the family favorite "Flupid floropope" and the classic "D"oh!"

King of the Hill gave us "Gatdang", but use that one with caution.

Scooby Doo offers "Jinkies" and "Jeepers".

And I just realized I"ve been watching too many cartoons!!

Answer 8

Step one: instead of '*ss' say 'buns',
like 'kiss my buns', or 'you're a buns-hole!'
Step two: instead of '*hit' say 'poo',
as in 'bull poo, 'poo head' and 'the poo is cold'
Step three: with '*itch' drop the T,
cos 'bich' is Latin for Generousity
Step four, don't say '*uck' anymore,
cos '*uck' is the worst word that you can say
So just use the word 'm'kay'!

Answer 9

think of things you like and say that. at my job we have a policy on pfofanity so you have to really watch what you say.

Answer 10

fudge, shiza, freak, crap, heck, darn

Answer 11

My brothers and I always said "frick" and thought we were so bad a**. LOL

Answer 12

Substitute swear words are kind of pointless. Either you swear or you don't.

Answer 13

Son of a buffalo chip!
Fu kryin' out loud!
pumpernickel,
kumquats,
Don't know where the last two came from. It is all about the energy behind the words though, not the particular word itself.
Though some are more socially acceptable. I would still not want my young child frustrated enough to resort to spitting out insults.
I was always told that someone who has to resort to profanity just doesn't have enough intelligence to think of something better to say.

Source(s):

from one potty mouth to another

Answer 14

Jesus Joseph and Mary,
cheese and rice
oh darn
oh sugar
son of a gun
holy bird turd

Answer 15

Let's see...

Sh*t -> Shoot
F*ck You! -> Blast/Curse You!
@$$hole -> Imbecile
@$$ -> Butt
F*cking (in general use) -> Freakin'

Those should cover the most common words/phrases.

Answer 16

doggone it...
for petes sake
for cryin' out loud
stupid (stupid computer is messing up!)
fudge

Answer 17

fudrucker

Source(s):

the restaurant

Answer 18

I say these things...

For "God Damn It"....I say - God Bless it or God Dang It or Dang It or Gosh Dern It
For "Sh*t".....I say - Fudge
For "F*ck it"..... I say - Screw it
For "your an as*whole"... I say - Your acting like a nosebleed
For "f*cking"... I say - Freegan
For "Your pissing me off"....I say - Your making me hot

How about:
Son of a Beeswax
Son of a beach
Son of a buscuit
Your a bleep bleep bleep! (actually saying the bleep word)

Answer 19

I personally say
FFFish instead of FFFuck, when minors are around.
Shhheeepskin, instead of Shhhit.

Answer 20

well this is a good all around sub....son of biscuit eating ditch monster....kinda covers all

Answer 21

Shoot, darn, heck, freak

Answer 22

What the fish !
Dang !
My foot !
Ala Mak !

Answer 23

mother clucker,don't muck with me!,go to H-E- double hockey sticks!

Source(s):

me

Answer 24

Shoot, man, bull.

Answer 25

what the *ell, i say what the el
for *hit i say shoot
for fuc* i say fizzle
but i dont usually use *uck

dammit i say dang it ...

Answer 26

Prestidigitator, Tamishanter, Cuspidor, Whirligig!

look em up in dictionary!

Answer 27

Okay. Here are my personal favorite. I am ex-military, so I had a real funky, nasty, potty mouth. I had to develop unique sub words too, now that I am a Mommy.
Instead of shut the **** up, use "Shut the front door."
Instead of ahhh, ****, use "ahhh shuggy duggy quack quack."
Instead of *****, use "biscuiteater."
When you're really angry, yell "Oh pinto beans."
Instead of what the ****!?!? Simply state, "What the duck?"
Instead of piss, state "pickled pigs feet!"
Hope these help!

Answer 28

the use of language is a habit, good or bad...

so scroll through the million you already know till to find what rolls off your tongue the easiest....then, use that....even if it doesn't seem to fit.

for example...
i am a big one to say sh!t....
so i say snot.
its close, the kids love it, its politically correct and most of all i am comfortable with the substitution,

changing or replacing habits or behaviors is difficult, expect to fail, keep trying, don't give up, and eventually you will be able hang out at any playground, and not offend any-ones mother!!!

Answer 29

Son of a mother fudge making biscuit eater

Answer 30

Instead of Oh Sh*t just say "Ohhh noooooooooo"..I think that is safe..or say Ohhhhhhh God...

Answer 31

My mom told me to say cheescake. If I were you I would tell them that they can shove the swear jar up their F*cking A*sess. Or you could do what my husband does. Tell them to suck farts directly from your butt.