Is my synopsis any good?

Question

I am writing a short, concise synopsis for a movie in a movie review. Is it written well? Please help me by proof reading and making suggestions. Thanks.

"Storyline: A non-traditionalist at heart, Pat Conroy helps change an island of African-Americans who have lost trust in people of any color -- especially white. Pat takes a job as one of two teachers on the island, commuting by boat across the wide space of water that seems to seperate these forgotten people from success. Mr. Conroy has a real gift with children so much so that even his colleage and worst enemy softens a little when she sees his persistent will to fight the good 'ol boys education system."

Additional Details

Oops... After spell checker...

"Storyline: A non-traditionalist at heart, Pat Conroy helps change an island of African-Americans who have lost trust in people of any color -- especially white. Pat takes a job as one of two teachers on the island, commuting by boat across the wide space of water that seems to separate these forgotten people from success. Mr. Conroy has a real gift with children so much so that even his colleague and worst enemy softens a little when she sees his persistent will to fight the good 'ol boys education system."

'ol should be ol' ...OK duh thanks!

ol' boys' actually@

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Sounds good to me. You've set the scene, introduced the main characters and even a few possible plot lines This'll give the audience an idea of who the protagonist is that they should be following (Pat Conroy), who to watch out for (enemy) and where the story may lead without giving away the ending (fighting the system).

Though my personal problem would be to the 'ol as I wouldn't recommend the use of slang. Unless of course this is used in the actual movie where in that case it may be a good idea to keep it as it gives a taste of the lingo in the movie.

Also this is up to you, but your last sentence strong in emphasising his "gift with children" but maybe you could cut it down to make it more concise:

"Mr Conroy's gift with children even has his colleague and worst enemy softens a little when she sees his persistent will to fight the good old boys education system."

But thats up to, and what effect you're trying to create.

Otherwise it is a well-written synopsis, well done!
Hope this helped!
~Ruj x

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Thanks for the help.

Answer 2

Looks okay. You don't know how to proofread yourself?

Answer 3

Ha Ha Ha.

Answer 4

colleage should be colleague
'ol should be ol'

Answer 5

Sounds good, only change i would make besides spelling of colleague is to use a sentence introducing Pat Conroy. It would help to make the review flow much more smoothly.

Answer 6

How about "wide gulf" or "wide expanse of water" instead of "wide space of water"? If you just used gulf (if that would be appropriate) it would be a better metaphor.

Sounds good!